Keep going, keep trying, you only fail when you stop trying!
This is me today. (See image)
Image says: "There Is that constant struggle to try and get the care you need when you have a chronic illness"
Art by @Colourblind_Zebra IG
I told the college I prefer afternoon appointments and had already been unable to commit to two prior appointments.
I am now awaiting a very important phone call and I being anxious and neurodivergent kinda just wanted an appointment done and over with and felt like I was being a burden. 🥺
I thought at the time, don't worry, get up early, you got this.
I don't got this. 😥
I have to walk pretty far today from the bus and I've woken up (I'm anaemic again so back on iron) and my disability is REMINDING me yet again I am not able bodied and because of transport issues it's going to be such a hassle to sort the college today.
I'm still none the wiser about possible grants for the disabled and funding for the skills course I am looking into, so if I went today and they want payment I can't do it.
Also I'm worried the course is full time and I need part time or I can't do it and I don't wanna hurt myself and go all the way there having to walk from the first bus, and to get back I need two buses and waiting in the cold between them, just incase I'm told I have to pay today or the other course is full time.
At the moment I've managed a level 2 under my belt, and it's transport issues for me today that's cramping my style. Yes, cramping, cause that's also what my body is doing today as being a woman my disability is additionally affected by menstruation.
Due to my personal issues, my body has been menstrual since the 3rd August and it's made me anaemic again and everything hurts an extra amount right now, so anyone who knows what I've got on this week knows I've pushed myself harder than ever before and today I just can't do it.
I just need to get through this week!
I need to take this call and have so much on and need to rest up for the play rehearsal.
IF I hadn't had to have had to be dealing with so much unwanted and unwarranted stress because SOME individuals (Junction 7) decided to target me and be awful despite being responsible for the running of a specific charity, that has let me down BADLY on my town, then my energy levels would NOT be so drained and I would not be suffering so much as a result.
I need my energy to tolerate bad pain days and stress like THIS makes my life a LIVING HELL!!
When you deal with chronic pain STRESS is an enemy and it's definitely impacting my mental health and opportunities now.
I may get additional legal advice on this matter because their choice of handling it in the ways they have, have had a knock on affect on me, my energy, my disability and mental health.
I am autistic and I just can't deal with it. I had an autistic meltdown yesterday from being attempted to be censored or silenced, (I'm a self-harm advocate because I have struggled in the past and I stopped) and I ended up palming my forehead (it's apparently another autistic trait), and I hurt my head and I can do without any of it. So no. They caused this I will have them face THIS. They chose to lie publicly on ******** ********* and behind the scenes of that post were NAMING me to individuals to recruit a HATE-CAMPAIGN and all for what?
To GET OUT OF GIVING AN APOLOGY? wtaf!
Had I known I'd not have got an apology and instead would have to go through all THIS BS then I'd have told them just to F. Off. Nasty 🤢 types. Don't realise the harm they do to others or DO realise but don't wanna own it.
No I won't stop blogging about Junction 7 because they've not only been aggressive and abusive to the point I don't feel safe anywhere near them, slandered me so people inbox me targeting me and like I said to the POLICE officer yesterday, I had to share my evidence and it's a case of HAVING NO CHOICE BUT TO DEFEND MYSELF from them and it's ridiculous!
Part of my response to him from Junction 7 trying to get him to SILENCE me was this:
This is an excerpt of the email sent to the police:
"People cannot be verbally aggressive to the most vulnerable of people or the disabled and choose to threaten instead of meet and discuss collection issues and offer any form of apology, and slander verbally publicly and otherwise forcing my hand to share the video evidence in the first place when I wanted to keep it a quiet matter between us as I didn't think it would get to this point, and expect everything to just be ok.
No normal or sane person goes around with the intention of bullying, harrassing or causing serious emotional stress to the already disabled and choose to not apologise when notified of the harm they've caused, and yet continue the stress by continuing maladaptive behaviours towards the individual. That's sadistic in my personal opinion, but that's just me.
I thought as trustees of a charity that helps my hometown they'd have had procedures and protective measures in place like safeguarding training on how to deal with and handle the vulnerable, autistic, and disabled, and atleast be sufficient and proficient in being professional and polite enough to address any concerns or complaints amicably.
They chose not to do that. "
Victim silencing is wrong and as a disabled advocate who is only SHARING her FACTUAL experiences I will talk about it as much as I need because they have really de-railed my progress and made MY LIFE so much HARDER and I'm not sorry for saying this but they should be ASHAMED of the way they've handled it.
This is another excerpt from what I sent to the police:
"
I'm the one that has to live with that and I want this CCTV asap so I can put this to bed and so it does no longer impact me and the progress I'm making. I even accepted they won't apologise. Their behaviour says everything about them and nothing whatsoever about me and I'm done trying to understand why they chose all of this instead of just representing the charity they're all so proud of with kindness and respect, instead of aggression, false allegations (counter), and abuse.
This is NOT my first rodeo with people refusing to hold themselves accountable when they have deliberately chosen to be unkind or emotionally damage someone. A charity should investigate, issue a letter of apologies and not have the person they have emotionally harmed and caused unnecessary stress towards to have to endure any more pettiness or unnecessary stress.
I never asked to be treated this way, I only asked for it to be rectified.
That's not how charities are meant to run, that's damaging to the most vulnerable and their mental health, and yea, I wish I was neurotypical and could be nonchalant about the whole thing but they targeted my disability and they continue to cause harm to my reputation.
I may have included them in my blog but it's part of the job description and part of my duty of care to other disabled people.
Once the CCTV exonerates me this whole bullying attempt by them will be over and I will finally be free from all the trauma and stress and additional suffering they have caused and still are causing, and I can't use them, and have no choice but to boycott them for my own protection and safety as I heal and process this unfortunate and unwanted ordeal.
I'm not in any stereotypical 'victim' mindset neither, I'm a person who knows right from wrong and isn't afraid to protect myself and others. I have to accept it happened even if I don't understand it.
I have not at any time done anything illegal towards junction 7 or their staff, and Junction 7 have had ample opportunity to resolve this professionally but they prefer to attempt to control situations instead of work with others to accept their responsibility in where they've failed in the safeguarding of others on their own premises, and also later online.
If they can stop telling people that I "slxgged" them off when I basically just raised awareness of the fact collection of the parcels are problematic for the disabled, and if they can stop telling people that I'm commenting on everything when I'm not, and saying I was abusive when I chose not to react, and they were well within their right to discriminate against my dynamic disability by judging my pain levels with what they said about me and my personal disabilities, which IS insensitive to say the least and uncalled for, especially when I was simply there for food because I was in dire need of support, would be great.
But do I expect them to stop? No.
They could have apologised instead of threaten me. So I've stopped expecting anything remotely professional or kind from them at this point.
I will boycott them from now because I don't want any more unwanted stress for merely wanting the basic human decency of thoughtful communication and crisis help.
Which means they've put me in a position of completely cutting me off from any and all organisations or help affiliated with the charity because I don't feel safe. I can't risk another trigger or any emotional distress.
The next update like I said will be when I have been exonerated but the abuse I've endured due to their false narratives that they've spread to defame my character was not at all called for and extremely unecessary and I stand by every word I have said and I even keep my own screenshots.
Again, I appreciate your assistance in this matter.
Kind regards.
Sarah Wingfield"
Enough is enough.
All of THIS because the person who chose to harm me emotionally and mentally won't apologise and the rest of the staff think BULLYING is ok.
It isn't.
I'm going to phone the college now and it may need to be postponed until next year. It's unfortunate but we will have to see with the college.
Another excerpt to the police highlighting the stress and trauma they've caused:
"I asked **** *** merely for her opinion on it. I respect her choice not to communicate and haven't asked again. I commented for my own protection and safety due their targeting of me, which is ridiculous in my opinion. I just needed help with food not another issue to have to work through in therapy on top of my disabilities and mental health issues. I'm not thankful for that. It's the last thing I need right now and that CCTV can't come soon enough so I can be exonerated of their verbal assassination attempts on my character!! I should take it further because the way they chose to handle this was fear, intimidation, threats, slander which I had to disprove directly with the video and frankly at this point I am shocked that they're allowed to be involved with such vulnerable people when they targeted one (and others but not my stories to tell) and then chose to scaremonger and bully.
I don't think those qualities are definable to any definition of the words charity, or crisis centre."
If you want to be a GOOD person, be one, don't pretend and try and cover up all the bad with an army of supporters that you feed false information to.
If you want to be a good charity, follow procedures professionally and kindly and hold yourself accountable for what happens on YOUR premises.
I will post my whole response to the police in another post and I will tag **** *** and Junction 7 because it involves them and it's the right thing to do when talking about issues that involves them.
Not a good morning for me though at all and I'm sad I have to even deal with ALL of this in the first place.
Why should I be silenced when they have CHOSEN to make everything WORSE for me because THEY CAN'T face what they've done and people FORGET that MY PARENTS WERE THERE AND WITNESSED THE WHOLE TRAUMATIC ORDEAL and blogging isn't just raising AWARENESS of issues the disabled face but it's also a coping method for people like me with little to no support network!!
They can take me to court if they desire because I will TAKE THIS ALL THE WAY!
Hopefully the CCTV will come soon enough and I'll be exonerated which as a victim of their actions I should not have even been targeted or lied about anyway.
Why punish me for the things THEY ACTIVELY chose to do?! No thanks.
I'm still VERY hurt and upset and without access to MANY things now due to them.
Is that JUSTICE?
NO.
-S xoxo
Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷
#blog #junction7 #charity #police #update #kawaiidolldecora #DisabledAdvocate #disabilityinclusion #police #threats #blogger #disabilityrights #autismawareness #safeguardingtraining #safeguarding
