Mental Health Short Story: (TW!)

Mental Health Short Story:

Author: S.W.   

Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷

(TW: harm and suicidal thoughts)

She wanted to end it all today, in that stormy fog of her mind it all made total sense. It seemed like the only thing that did.

Just take some pills and quietly slip away.. she thought to herself. But away from what though? What makes someone get to this point? How did she get here?

She sat and thought about it for a minute, was the world truly so bad that it would be logical to just no longer exist? 

She didn't like her answer.

The world makes less and less sense as she tries to navigate through it. People are getting worse and can't understand anything anymore because they're too fixated on how they think others are instead of taking a step back to see them for who and how they are.

She sighed and put the scissors down. No point self harming again, it just makes things worse in the long run.

People who can't comprehend the struggle with mental health would use it as a sadistic opportunity to berate her and belittle her and mock her.

That's what people do nowadays, when someone is struggling. They mock. They judge and then they act like they were kind and tried everything once the person is gone. It's too late then. It can't be undone.

Undone…how did her world become undone? 

Victim shaming and blaming is at its worst, the system protects the evil and the predators more than the innocent knowing that they would never be so unkind as to take things into their own hands, and when the system fails them, yet again, and they eventually break, *snap* and act on their hurt and pain and everything they've had to endure and tolerate and for what, so their haters and abusers can walk free, when they retaliate and try and take back a shred of justice, they find themselves behind bars where suicide starts to seem something of what could have been a better option.

We push people.

We push people.

We PUSH and we push and when they break we act like they were always a villain. People have no shred of accountability anymore.

People thinking solely in transactional ways with nothing but contempt for anyone good or altruistic who reminds them of how they really are. 

They hate because hating is easier, its easy to focus on someone else and their mistakes and flaws and judge and be angry, if it distracts from their own flaws and mistakes and pain.

More and more damage done to one another and the world and people wonder why there's more illnesses, more darkness, more struggles.

They sit in their little bubbles angry at the world but never daring to lift a finger or say a word that can change it whilst simultaneously shaming and judging and mocking anyone that dares to try.

You can't wake the people up, you can't reason with people anymore. They're walking zombies, shells of the people they were supposed to be, taking whatever they can get and not worrying about the rest of the world or society. Can you hear the children crying? Can you?

Can you feel the starving? The homeless? The disabled and deprived? The lost, forgotten, abandoned?

With disabilities you have a war within yourself, every second of every day, especially with chronic pain.

No one cares though. You're a burden and you get told you'd be better off dead. Hospitals abuse you and lie in your medical files and notes and the stigma spoonfeeds people into a super brainwashed army that think that poor people and the disabled are villains. That they somehow leech off of society when in reality the real leeches are the fat paid, people in power who often abuse their positions.

As well as the abled bodied people who can't comprehend how disability affects anyone and never really does any research, who just sit back and assume they have an easier life when in fact their life is usually a living hell.

Your body a cage you're trapped within, you can only move on their terms, your body makes the decisions and if you fight her you end up in agony.

Yet you take the pain and you battle anyways, fighting and fighting, it's exhausting and draining and when you achieve things, it never matters.

You're overlooked.

You're different.

There's no compassion nor honesty anymore and people will take opinions and act as if they're fact, not ever having anyone's backs, but their own.

So you can't trust anyone, you've survived so much trauma and abuse and still, you have to face everything alone.

She's exhausted of trying to let people in, they never listen to her and never pay attention.

When she needs comforting others judge and dictate and leave her after targeting her and making it out like it's her fault that day.

She won't beg anymore.

She's not even sure she wants anyone anymore.

She's starting to understand that people really do ruin good things and this world is not a world made for her.

She can't end it. There's others that she loves more than herself and she could never bear the pain she'd put them through. So she fights it.

She fights everyday, everything and everyone, she has to fight to survive and to try and live her life the same as everyone.

It's all so unnecessarily difficult and she's tired.

She's tired of being there for everyone but herself and still she shows up because love is bigger than herself.

She's tired of needing someone who doesn't exist.

Someone who'd comfort her, wipe her tears away and just exist beside her as she exists. Just someone who through actions not words would show they're here. They're here.

She looks around her room that she's cried all day in, no one's here.

The person she loves just keeps draining her emotionally and mentally and hurting her feelings all the more. Reminding her of the past ones who made her feel invisible, unlovable, unwanted.

Hiding away from them because whenever she wanted help or support she got lectures and just ended up distraught.

She sought support.

All day she sought support.

And in the end… here she is… still alone.

Still with… nought.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#writing #truth #reality #honesty #awareness #AwarenessSavesLives #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthsupport #donthide #disabled #disabilityawareness #disabilities #disabilityadvocate #disabilityinclusion #fight #pain #struggle #trauma #battles