Visit the past but never stay there. 🫶

 

Picture: Misa On Wheels

Says: "Ableism has no place in the medical field."

• 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 •  🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 • 🤍 •

And yet it's RIFE! 

"We're not insured to pick you up or help you up"

"Just hurry up and DO it " (as if capable 🙈 which lead to my falls in the first place.

Even worse when they move your wheelchair without permission when you have symphysis pubis dysfunction and are going for a scan and didn't realise you were neurodivergent and panicked and did NOT want to be moved so they punish you by slamming your wheelchair down and leaving you there so you have to wheel back to the desk in tears because it vibrated throughout your pelvis and you're now trying not to vomit from the pain.

Only to not be able to do the scan and wait four hours for hospital transport to lie to you and put an elderly lady on the transport and leave you off, laugh, and tell you it's the end of her shift, so you have to wait another six to eight hours for the back up transport like you had to do throughout your pregnancy, and when you get home the complaints line laughs at you cause somehow the ambulance lady talked the elderly lady to calling them and lie and say you were abusive instead of the real reason that she couldn't be ar$ed and you don't know whether to laugh or cry cause this lady's sadism knew no bounds to the point of manipulating a lady that didn't know anything about me, that was already bias as she was tutting at me crying in my wheelchair in the waiting room anyways hours before, into lying.

I have plenty of stories like this one.

Ten years + of them infact and atleast this one didnt leave me with visible bruises!!! 💀

I'm a human being not the lies written in my medical notes so people think I'm the bad guy and so strangers that work in the profession can become flying monkeys of hate without knowing one fact about me. So I get deliberately abused and also abused by the easier influenced. Yay me.

Thank gawd I stopped being suicidal and feeling like I was worthless and pushed myself to get OUT of that wheelchair.

Thank you to ME, for saying no more BS from people who could not last ONE day in my disabled shoes!! Period.

*Some memories are ok to briefly visit, accept that it says everything about them and nothing about you and let it go. Don't stay there.* 

*Waves goodbye to the girl that didn't use her voice*

To the girl that tried so hard to people please hoping someone would see who she was and not the worthless burden she felt as a disabled and weaker woman. Growing up NOT knowing you were born disabled sucks, I self harmed, I couldn't keep up yet academically I nailed it until I started getting bullied badly (neurodivergent and misunderstood) and then I even had to fight to stay in college and even then I didn't get the grades I should have.

The fight when you're undiagnosed disabled is rough.

Thank gawd I'm confident enough to be me now and speak up and out against abuse and MALICIOUS behaviours and things others would never tolerate being done to them (before people jump on the "well the NHS has been lovely for me" bandwagon , well yes of course that's brilliant, we're so pleased that you were that fortunate, however some of us weren't as fortunate and we've really suffered and it's only added to our PTSD. So please don't invalidate others experiences, no one is in competition.)

I live my life a certain way for a reason, I manage my pain disability in a personal way that is beneficial to me. 

Idgaf who thinks what about me cause even if the whole world was against me (which has never been the case just that I've easily been misunderstood to the point it felt like that sometimes) I'd still know the truth and I'd still have no regrets and I answer to my own morals. I exist and I dress different and I am different and anyone who doesn't like that, doesn't even need to acknowledge me. Pretend I don't exist in your world. Like I'd have ever fitted into it anyways. Lol.

One day I was mortified (not for me, for her, cause I seem capable of making awkward situations waaaay more awkward 🤣) anyways...

I decided to get dressed up, sorta biker chick meets kawaii princess lmao and I was chillin at a bus stop when a lass came up to me and asked me if I was off to a fancy dress and I just had to tell her nah sorry love I just dress a lil differently. Lol. 😳😅💀🙈

I know I stand out and I'm bright but trust me I stand out even more when I try and blend in cause I'm just too different, I'm incapable and it just makes everything worse lmao. So I just embrace being me and working towards my goals.

Ok so this ended up becoming a blog entry post lmao, but if you want to know what it was like being me my special blog is http://pgpandspd.blogspot.com

I visited some unpleasant places there and I could erase this whole post (I do sometimes as I'm aware I overshare) but this happened and this is my Reality and I'm not gonna censor the bad moments off my social media platforms because then my profile would be fake.

I accept I am not always understood and most of the time I'm good keeping myself company, I did a lot as a kid anyway lol. So whatever and whoever gravitates to me now is meant to be around me and I'm taking each day at a time and working on my mental health and fitness journey and trying to better myself. I got goals and no matter how long they take, slow progress is better than no progress!

-S. 

xoxo

#alwaysbeyournumberonefan

#youhaditallalong

#itwasalwaysinyou 

🩷🩷🩷🩷