Decluttering, Trying to find Balance and Reflection:
Just been in my dining room decluttering and just finished now (SO much to do gah) anyways it was a poor choice 😅 with an abscess cause I'm clammy now and mega dizzy. On the up side I found my beading tray lol!
Gonna have some medical cannabis and drink plenty of water then I'm ringing a local dentist tomorrow morning to see if they have any cancellations or to fit me in.
Just need to wind down and try and get back into a sleeping pattern for 11pm again. (Nevermind I failed. I've edited this post several times as I've gone off on tangents) lol.
Slow progress but always progress nevertheless...
I found a phone case I had made and my instructions for my Lucet, amongst friendship bracelets kits so I can handmake and create colourful and kitschy designed jewelry!
I'm also putting my foot down with a lot of things.
I'm sick of being walked all over basically. I'm already hated for false crap and narratives and false perspectives by complete strangers so adding to that won't make much of a difference.
But if people need to mislabel me a narcissist or whatever else, because I'm finally using my voice to be my own personal bodyguard against negativity and mental health issues, or saying NO when I need to, then so be it.
I don't intentionally harm others and I never intend to.
Even when my first ex husband was smashing me head in, I never once harmed him. The four years we were together, I took it all, not once harmed him.
If I was a narcissist or a villain I'd easily have no issue stepping over people or harming them yet all I want to do is understand and fix things. Even if they're scum.
I also support people because it's the right thing to do. Networking, share, you need something? I got you! Life's hard enough without others trying to sabotage and I've been mislabeled as someone trying to sabotage an organisation/charity when all I wanted was an apology and when I didn't get it and got threats instead, all I did was raise awareness of that. It doesn't matter how many people someone helps if they are abusive to some people. NO abuse is ever OK!
If I don't say anything and that behaviour continues or one person can't handle it and it's the straw that breaks the camels back and they end their lives, I know it's not on me and it's on the people who are bad, but if you could prevent that surely you'd want to try?
That's why I'm hated. Basically in a nutshell and that's why I'm ok with being hated.
I have hope that people will change and those that lie about me; all I do is face them and all that's happened and hope they realise the damage they do and cause and either apologise or work on themselves to be better.
It's not my fault when they won't hold themselves accountable and find it easier to pretend to be a victim to lead to actual victim shaming and blaming and hating towards me when I did nothing whatsoever but seek help. Why should I not be allowed help too?!
Well I'm not. Not from that specific organisation/charity anyway, I think they've made it perfectly clear when it comes to me (a stranger) they won't help and just want to investigate every aspect of my life which they seem to disagree with some things I do, so yea they're judging too, that's also not okay but its overlooked cause the people overlooking are receiving the same help I NEEDED and didn't get.
So I accept it, after raising awareness and use it to learn from and try and protect myself and others in future. Analysis and repetition and reviewing situations is important to reflect upon and process and work through things and some of us need to do that to ensure we are doing the right thing and to self-reflect and improve as well as recognise the patterns and things with others.
I want to help people and I always do my best to and if others can't see that I can't make them.
⚠️I just stay in my own lane and if I mess up I prefer people to let me know so I can fix it. But I can't fix what I didn't break or admit to something I definitely didn't do.⚠️
It's shocking people expect that and yet the same kinds of people don't even want to apologise for their part in it and then claim you're the one playing the victim when they are the ones doing exactly that.
Well since learning more about human behaviour the narcissistic types do tend to project onto others and like the scorpion and the frog, some kinds of people can't help but harm others and then twist the narrative because they can't face what they've done.
If anything I get told I apologise too much but I'd rather apologise too much and hold myself accountable for things and make safe spaces for others than be someone who thinks the sun shines outta my butt.
I may banter and I may have a bizarre sense of humour including dark humour especially when I'm struggling but for someone like me that's what has kept me alive.
I've been through enough in life and if I say I haven't done something, I haven't. Period.
Misunderstandings happen but other people need to reflect and take into account their behaviour and their part in things too for anything to work and because they can't and don't and won't and spread lies and gossip then it makes life harder.
I don't want my life to be any harder which is why I don't F with anyone and people can hate me all they want but I don't want other people and their drama being brought into MY life.
If I mess up, the consequences are mine to deal with but I refuse to deal with consequences of actions I NEVER did in the first place. I don't deserve consequences of things I DID NOT do.
I can't and struggle to trust people and I'm used to dealing with everything on my own and being easy bait for manipulation because of that, which is why I can identify patterns in people and it's never my fault when others don't want to acknowledge the truth or stay in denial.
So ya don't like me?
Fair enough.
Don't be a D about it and just do what I do, and either try and find common ground and connection, or avoid, avoid, avoid. 💯
I'm used to being disliked and targeted.
I'm different. 😅🫠
Comes with the territory but it's getting exhausting trying to navigate life when others keep spreading BS and have malicious intentions or just cause they 'feel like it'.
Half this town thinks actual abuse is justified if the people that were abusive help others, the other half thinks it's wrong but won't speak up or get involved and all of these individuals can think and act how they want but when they bring ME into it and I become the target of their hate, unnecessarily and unprovoked they then blame me for defending myself (verbally always or walking away after saying NO) and blame me for recording it.
⚠️⚠️⚠️ (I record only to protect myself cause it ain't my first rodeo I have seen the same behaviour from other sadistic F's to other people as well as to myself, so you learn to recognise it.)
So if I'm recording you to cover my arse its cause you're in the wrong. Period. ⚠️⚠️⚠️
Also from the surreal bad experiences I've had I know the patterns and I know you'll twist it and I'll need proof! 💯✨
Doesn't stop people refusing to hold themselves accountable though or getting flying monkeys to believe false perspectives because they don't understand how hurt I am by people who are so cruel and being silent helped safeguard no one.
People can hate me for spreading awareness and talking about the reality of people's actions that others may look up to, but the rest of the hate, I don't deserve and I won't take.
You wanna think I'm some super villain so be it but nothing is easy for me and I can do without people who can't see me for who and how I am, in my life.
If I have to be a loner so be it but my spirit tribe will (and are) finding me and that's something that I really do appreciate and hope I never lose.
The right people will be open minded enough to listen to both sides of a story and take into account all and any evidence before making up their mind about someone.
I'm definitely neurodivergent and I definitely don't deal with things as well as other people but that's never an excuse for others to paint me how they think I am and act like that's real when it's not.
Sorry for the rant.
Just getting some truths off my chest and it's necessary.
My friends will read this and care and even if they didn't or don't then I've just confided to Facebook even if no one listens.
This is a reminder to myself too to not go back to the old me and people pleasing me and to know my worth and that I don't deserve to have to tolerate negativity or anything that's unhelpful or unhealthy for me.
I get messaged all the time saying I've inspired others and that I helped them think about things in a better way, and that's how we change the world. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Simply by speaking up about our positives AND negatives (aka the highs and lows of life) and working hard to make progress and support and help one another.
People and community is important. Period. 💯
I pass kindness forward, but I'm not used to being shown half the amount of kindness as I freely offer others. We should be able to accept help without hardship, abuse, hate or anything else. We all matter and we need to think about how we impact other people. If people aren't sorting things directly then they leave others no choice but to be direct in a defense to their lies and false allegations.
We should question things and investigate!
Most importantly people should be more kind and patient and pay more kindnesses forward.
We all should. 🫶🏼❤️🩹
S.
Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨
#blog #blogger #disabilityadvocate #disabilities #disabilitysupport #awareness #safeguarding #protection
