07 August 2009 - What independence?

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07th August 2009.

Hmmm....

Thought I would feel better today and more independent but I have had one of my worse nights ever, and cannot move today at all without the pain being bad again.

My house adaptation stuff came and instead of feeling more independent, in all honesty, i feel old and cried. They haven't given me a helping hand ( a thing to grip things from the floor etc) either so I am still extremely embarrassed at the fact that I need help from my husband to dress myself and everything. If I drop something, I may as well forget about it unless my husband picks it up for me and I hate the fact that he is more like a slave than a husband, when will I get the phone call I need, "we have gotten someone who is able to treat you so you will be able to walk now and not suffer for the 4 months you have left."

I am starting to get scared at how worse this is getting and upset that I cannot take any more pain relief safely and I am even having thoughts like what if this continues after child birth? I would feel useless as a mother... I cannot even look after myself.

I feel useless, I feel like such a burden on my husband and people who help, and I have no one to talk to.

I have never felt so isolated and alone, yesterday was fantastic but only pointed out how alone this condition has made me.

Just having a bad day.


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