Fumbling broken pieces of yourself:

-

I watched a video today where a mother really struggled to accept or trust or believe in the help offered.

The boy and her story is so heartbreaking...

All I could think of in that moment is, how my heart was in my mouth and how I hoped so badly she'd take it but remembering how often I don't...I couldn't take it either 😭 I'd struggle too... Isn't it odd that those of us who fight so hard to support others and do our best, can't actually accept help because whenever we have tried to accept help in the past it's gone really traumatically badly... 🥺❤️❤️❤️ I can give, I can help, I can support and as a disabled artist I'm an advocate for disabilities, differences and mental health awareness, but if I didn't earn something, it's extremely difficult to accept, even if we wanted to, we'd feel guilty or like we're bad people, so we don't. 

This is because that's how life has moulded us... My heart honestly goes out to every other individual who feels this way! 

We do our best with very little in return but we endure because we value the things that most overlook, actual connection, real support, authenticity, hope, and we constantly challenge ourselves and strive to do better.

I'm happy with a cheap coffee, a book, under a tree or in a window on cosy nights and extremely happy whenever I get to watch trees or nature.

I was bedbound for 8 years approximately and it was absolutely soul - destroying but I picked myself up and I'm still fumbling with the pieces.

I'll get there, and so will you.

I believe in you.

You got this.

S. xoxo


Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨


Popular posts from this blog

It's a slap in the face for the disabled...

-
Image
  ...when councils share and promote diversity and disability inclusion and awards when they themselves are abandoning and discriminating against disabled people. These deserve the award and have done amazingly but the way the council shares this news seems like they want to 'appear' like they care and support disabled people when in reality they don't. I responded: So why have they forgotten about the neurospicy and disabled individuals using the do it online form for Durham County Council? There needs to be a check box for the council to call people back if they're on the assistance list.  It's not hard to attach a check box that would automatically add a call back to the most vulnerable customers of bulky waste. I'm currently being discriminated against and can't do anything about it, if I get a fine I'm going to the news about the council taking my money and abandoning me with bulky waste cause I'm mobility impaired and can't move it a few in
Read more

Sad times at the RVI.

-
Image
I got triggered today from this memory: When my bairn had leukemia, we were coming back from the hospital with all the fun things he created with his mam. Social services need reprimanded for their complete chaotic and sadistic behaviour and corruption but my son is healthy and alive and well now. They prevented me from seeing him in hospital then LIED to the court judge with cleverly worded paragraphs that would not explain that it was THEIR fault and instead implied we didn't care. I was LIVID!  I missed out on so much after being newly diagnosed with a disability myself and ending up in a wheelchair, and I had lost my business and everything, but that wasn't enough for the UK system. They had to harm this family and I believe in karma and the universe and my son KNOWS the truth and knows he is loved even if it did cause a divide in the family and my brother is estranged. People really do run with assumptions and SANDRA BARLOW if you're reading this you had no right to li
Read more

Life is complicated and definitely for living:

-
Image
~New Chapters~ Connor has been a great support to me and we've had a lot of deep soul searching talks where we are working together on making our lives better. We've clashed and made mistakes but we're working together towards a more positive and brighter future for us both. I'm not easy to deal with sometimes, I struggle with my disabilities and have CPTSD etc and Connor has ADHD (which I also likely have) and having talked about the way we get hyper fixated etc we have found better ways of getting one another's attention so neither of us feel so alone or ignored. We both love one another and we've both been working on our own mental health and boundaries. So far I think we've had a lot of lessons learned and we can start again from a place of deeper understanding. That's what's important. I know I don't have to write or say anything but I know a lot of people that care about me may feel the need to be outspoken about this choice, please remembe
Read more