Showing posts from February, 2024

My first post:

The first blog entry... Who knew this journey would take me where it has, one diagnosis after another.... Support Pelvic Dysfunction doesn't have the website anymore as I had to let the lease expire a few years ago as it wasn't financially sustainable for me.. I'm still sad to lose the site I created with all the information and support on SPD during and post pregnancy, but the Facebook pages and groups still exist thankfully. S. xo Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨

Excited to help!

 Yay! 😁 Can't wait to start volunteering. Looking forward to it, and I'm trained in confidentiality, be nice to help someone one on one and offer a listening ear. I've made myself familiar with their terms and conditions so I know exactly what is required of me and it's basic common sense and human decency for the most part, I've also done the no secrets workbook when I was a LD nurse cadet so that will also help with extra awareness and support. Can't wait to send Age UK cards for the person I'll be matched with to send to them, especially for their birthday and things and it will definitely help someone feel less alone and brighten their day. Sue me, I'm excited ahaha, but it's something I'm familiar with due to the confidentiality clause I put in place via my own listening support for support pelvic dysfunction which I tried to make into a charity, alas not everyone is as charitable as they claim, but it still helps women today. 🫢🏼 That'

..and as usual, she continues despite it all...

I've done nothing wrong so I've calmed down and what will be will be. Customer services have put a review in so hopefully I'll get an email back soon. I won't quit just cause some people like to sabotage. They have no clue what it's like to live like I do, so I actually feel sorry for them and their need to hate so much. It's very cowardly and sad... This is why I'll win in the end, no matter how much people sabotage me, lie about me, hate on me or are awful to me, I will always pick myself back up and continue. I only ever defend myself so if I am upset about something it's genuinely because other people have caused upset or harm to me, which is so much worse when it's people from organisations and charities, still no apologies for that one like so I avoid them and their lack of help like the plague. I'm sick of staying in my own lane and still becoming a victim of others hate or stupidity. I don't involve myself in ANYONES life so don't

People like me.. disability:

People like me (Disability) Written by S.W. Pain you can't see Yet you dismiss Overriding my authority When it's not even your place Accessibility is important You can't deny it out of existence Yet you get aggressive, and I get distant. I'm not weather resistant These storms hurt my heart I wish I could be more persistent But the fatigue plays a part Disability isn't for the weak We are warriors and it's support that we seek Yet we are stigmatised and belittled By hypocrites and sheeple You can't recondition the people Without being hated for speaking up. Constantly told to shut TF up. No. NO. I live with this condition Just because you don't understand Doesn't mean others won't listen I refuse to be walked over I refuse to put myself at risk I refuse to hush myself Or water myself down for your benefit You don't understand Fair enough So keep your issues with disabilities away from me I'm not moldable clay that you can play with freely

I likey the Gherkin...

 I likey the Gherkin... Ok.. story time... Image reads: "who in the actual F*CK eats a McDonald's burger with the Gherkin" I once had a MacDonalds worker lad walk to my table as a teen, with the rest of my colleges army course in Bishop Auckland Maccie D's, and we were all talking gherkins!  Some declared their hate... Others didn't mind them. I said I liked them πŸ˜….. .. and next thing we all knew the lad had put a load of them on a plate, just for me... πŸ₯Ί... I didn't eat them all and didn't have the heart to refuse them... πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯ΊπŸ₯Ί But I thanked him all the same... πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€ S.xoxo Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ Possibly in 2004/2005.  #spillthegherkin #gherkin #gherkins #macdonalds #unitedkingdom

Accepting you'll be misunderstood:

Ugh I hate misunderstandings, they're such a headache!! I'm working on my boundaries.  I'm definitely autistic and that's why I think I struggle so much. I keep trying to clarify myself in ways I think they might understand, but they're not reading to understand, they're reading to use you as a verbal target for whatever pent up emotions they have at that specific time and that's just the gist of it. Like a poor lass got triggered today and I saw it because I've been there, lived it, got through it, I genuinely cared and stopped myself from being baited or triggered (which I'm proud of), and I explained she had and tried to clarify but she defines it as a battle term clearly, used by some NTs to belittle women or claim they're unjustifiably emotional, oh anyone can be emotional and trust me there are justification for such too, but yea, I'm rambling, sorry sleep deprived and coffee and red bull XD  I think I need to know when to withdraw beca

Community isn't what it used to be here in my hometown:

NGL, (not going to lie), I love that I'm from Aycliffe and all my family are too, but lately there's one thing that's happening with people on this town that just breaks my heart. When bad things happen or someone is hurt, when delays happen, mistakes happen, negative choices happen, instead of supporting one another like this community used to do, they now start acting hateful to those who are sharing their struggles. Instead of holding organisations and people accountable for the struggles, issues or whatever problems have arisen, instead of seeking solution and fixing things, they seem to try and defend the organisations or people simply because they were beneficial to 'them'. This not only invalidates people who are enduring problems but it condones the poor behaviours and mistakes/errors of people and no one improves and nothing is properly addressed and it leads to no resolution and hate towards whomever was brave enough to speak out about such struggles. This

I focus on raising awareness:

As a disabled artist I try and create things that will raise awareness and help break the stigma of disability because there is no disability that is 'lesser than', and the world is still very aggressive, quite unnecessarily so, when it comes to understanding disabilities. Disabilities vary and you can't diagnose with your eyes, especially with invisible conditions! I'm sick of being the victim of ableist behaviours and it breaks my heart to hear the ways my fellow disability warriors are also treated. Communities should not defend abuse or condone abuse just because something is useful to them. From hospitals to charities to employment, we all struggle and none of us need to behave in a manner that will make the world worse than it is! We should all be working together to make it EASIER for others and that's something people cannot understand or grasp. A lot of people don't realise they're actually ableist but no matter what, apologies and being apologetic

I wish I'd had closure...or atleast an apology...

No apologies. No resolution. No meeting to discuss or help the mobility impaired. No accountability. No compassion. No authenticity. Picking fault is different from actually being wronged, a lot of people could apologise for the unnecessary issues they caused but they don't. Especially if they can hide behind good deeds. No abuse is ok. It all needs addressing no matter how big or how good any team or organizations are. If we're to work together and support one another we need it from all directions, we deserve resolution, we deserve respect, we deserve decent communication, these things make all the difference and allow others to know that the organisations are genuine and not just unable to hold themselves accountable when they badly wrong someone. I am not ashamed to defend myself and safeguard others. Not afraid to speak out against abuse. πŸ’― Not afraid to try and change the world (starting with my community) for the better. For those that don't know Junction 7 is a cha

Ayclive Festival is coming again:

I know I should be excited as it was my first ever festival I'd ever been to, especially with getting myself out of my wheelchair but... After what the ableist lady from Junction 7 said about seeing me there last year I just don't feel like there's any point in going. There's too many bad apples that ruin things for other people and don't understand dynamic disabilities at all. It's heightened my anxiety and everything and considering a group of lasses all fine in health, were moaning about my tent I can just do without the aggro man. People suck and it's people on our own town that ruin things for others. There should be better acceptance of dynamic disabilities on this town and grown adults that deal with the public need to stop making assumptions about disabilities!! It was a hassle and we had to borrow a mates car, people have no clue what it's like to live with your body aching and in agony 24/7!! If I do change my mind and decide to go, I will be m

Apparently banned permanently from Tiktok: another achievement for the disabled woman:

I just want to apologise to everyone because I have been a recent victim of false violation reports on TikTok and within ten minutes three videos were flagged, none of which breach the terms and conditions, but I guess AI is running the world now because I can't for the life of me contact an actual person on TikTok . It's obvious I didn't violate the terms and that's why I presume AI dealt with my appeal. As a disabled artist who was trying to open a TikTok store and starting out as a sole tradership (working towards) I would never risk my account. All I had done was share videos to support a Liverpool band and Demoness Of Water was the Female Art Piece that originally caused a violation. The other two videos were talking about it being taken down, second one had a screenshot of a thumbnail of the art that was removed and they flagged and removed that one. (Again based on the error removing the first).  So I posted one without any of the art as that is what they claimed

The book I'm going to attempt to write::

 The girl with the bed for a prison. Inspired by personal experiences. As a child she was inquisitive, good at retaining information, she could talk the ears and eyes off of anything, She was hyperactive one second and philosophical and deep the next, If she had luck it was either surreal Good or surreal Bad luck. You could never make it up! Her life was such a rollercoaster and as soon as she felt like she may have found stable ground, everything was changed again and she had to start from scratch again. Nothing in her life felt like it made sense, She felt like this world just becomes more and more confusing as you grow up. She didn't know she was disabled when she was a child, She struggled, don't get me wrong, she had to fight for every single basic thing she has ever been able to accomplish or achieve in life and even then it was never what she was actually capable of because she never had the support she needed to soar. As she has learned, as is life. Life is a fickle foe

Fumbling broken pieces of yourself:

I watched a video today where a mother really struggled to accept or trust or believe in the help offered. The boy and her story is so heartbreaking... All I could think of in that moment is, how my heart was in my mouth and how I hoped so badly she'd take it but remembering how often I don't...I couldn't take it either 😭 I'd struggle too... Isn't it odd that those of us who fight so hard to support others and do our best, can't actually accept help because whenever we have tried to accept help in the past it's gone really traumatically badly... πŸ₯Ί❤️❤️❤️ I can give, I can help, I can support and as a disabled artist I'm an advocate for disabilities, differences and mental health awareness, but if I didn't earn something, it's extremely difficult to accept, even if we wanted to, we'd feel guilty or like we're bad people, so we don't.  This is because that's how life has moulded us... My heart honestly goes out to every other indiv

Weather worsens conditions! It's not a hoax!

This cold weather has a huge impact, especially when I can't put my heating on as it's not very accessible and doesn't have a timer and if I seize up it's stuck on and it costs a lot. I'm shaky and dizzy and achy and my whole body feels like dead weight, plus the pins and needles in my feet and hands... Guess it's a flare up... I've been super stressed about the house and decluttering since the council people have been out and it's just offset me... I'm now not eating right or sleeping right and I keep getting migraines over it all. I feel *overwhelmed*. I need help with it all. I need people who I support to stop leaving messes everywhere on top of my already needing to be done, cluttered house. I wish I could have a decent body for a day, just a day, I would get so much done and there's too many judgemental and egotistical people that can't see their houses are actually worse than mine slxgging me off when they don't know anything about