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I Don’t Fit — And I’m Tired of Pretending That I Should:

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I Don’t Fit — And I’m Tired of Pretending That I Should There’s a kind of exhaustion that doesn’t come from a single bad day, or even a bad week. It comes from years of accumulation, from layers of experiences that never quite resolve, from constantly having to brace yourself before anything has even happened. It sits in the body, in the nervous system, in the quiet moments where you realise you are already tired before the day has even begun. And that is where I am. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and deeply, fundamentally exhausted. Because the truth is, I don’t fit. Not neatly, not comfortably, not in the way the world seems to expect people to. I don’t fit into the boxes that are presented as “normal”, and I don’t fit into spaces that claim to be inclusive until you exist in a way that challenges them. There is always a line, an invisible one, where acceptance quietly turns into discomfort, where support turns into silence, and where difference becomes something peo...

I step away from what harms me. I protect my peace:

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I step away from what harms me. I protect my peace. And I keep going. Peter showed up for me yesterday 👊🏻☺️ He even took the day off work just to support me — and that meant more than I can put into words, so I treated us yesterday to some nice food. Despite chronic pain, I got everything done that I needed to. Not everything went to plan, but I still showed up — and that matters. Today is about magazine work and continuing the decluttering with DCC Breakthrough. Last night, my body completely seized up and I’m still in a lot of pain today. Without my prescribed medical cannabis, I would genuinely be in hospital or unable to cope. Pain management isn’t a luxury — it’s essential. It saves lives. I’m aiming for the 10th for the magazine release. If it’s slightly delayed, I’m not stressing — it will be completed properly and shared as soon as it’s ready. I keep going. On the painful days. On the heavy days. I won’t lie — the pain triggered my depression last night and my mind turned on ...

Aycliffe Alternative Magazine Update:

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Update: I just want to take a moment to be transparent with you all. Behind the scenes, I’ve been balancing a lot — including an important driving test tomorrow and ongoing court proceedings regarding a stalking situation. It’s been intense, and I’ve had to prioritise my safety and wellbeing where needed. That said, Aycliffe Alternative Magazine is still very much moving forward. I’m currently working through the next issue, and I’m aiming for release on or before the 10th. I won’t rush something that represents our community — I want it done properly, with the quality and care it deserves. As always, this magazine is community-led. If you have:  – Articles – Creative pieces – Local stories – Events to share – Small businesses or services you’d like featured I’m still accepting submissions, and I’m also offering free advertising spots in this issue. This space exists to uplift, connect, and give people a voice — and that doesn’t stop just because life gets heavy. Thank you for yo...

What's getting under my skin:

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What's getting under my skin: I’m getting genuinely tired of people speaking on me without taking even two minutes to fact check anything they’re saying. It’s not even about disagreement — it’s the confidence people have to be wrong while being loud about it. That’s the part that grates. I’ve built what I’ve built through consistency, through effort, through pushing myself even on days where my body doesn’t want to cooperate. Chronic pain doesn’t pause the work — it just makes it harder. And I still show up. 👊🏻✨ So when people come into my space trying to question, minimise, or discredit that without doing basic research… it’s not curiosity, it’s carelessness at best — and disrespect at worst. I already know I don’t fit neatly into this world. I’m not supposed to. I didn’t build my life to be digestible for people who don’t take the time to understand it. If I’m not for you, that’s completely fine. Not everything is for everyone, and not everyone has good taste. 💋 But what you w...

You Don’t Get to Discredit What You Didn’t Build:

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Honestly? I get why this hit a nerve for me, the sacrifices I make, the pain I endure... I've worked for what I've built — while managing chronic pain, advocacy, multiple creative projects — and someone reducing that down to “is it even real?” is going to feel dismissive, even if they try to frame it as a “genuine question.” That said… my instinct to block, protect my space, and move on is actually the healthiest move here. Not every comment deserves my energy — especially when I've already provided proof (IMDb, my work, my portfolio). People won't support your hard work but will invade your lane to question the work, the journey, the achievements — especially when they haven’t taken the time to understand any of it. I act. I produce. I create. I build — consistently, independently, and often while managing chronic pain that most people couldn’t even comprehend. 👊🏻✨ So when someone tries to reduce that to “is this even real?” — it doesn’t hit insecurity, it highlights...

Always doing the right thing:

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Always doing the right thing may be exhausting - but it's necessary. There comes a point where you stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you, and instead you start choosing peace over proving a point. Protecting your peace is not cruelty, walking away from harmful behaviour is not hate, and setting boundaries is not something anyone gets to shame you for.  If someone needs to villainise you for choosing distance over dysfunction, that says everything about them and nothing about you. We are grown, we are allowed to step away, we are allowed to choose calm over chaos, and we can do all of that whilst still being respectful.  Not everything needs a fight, not everything needs a response, and not everyone deserves access to you. Respect is not control, inclusion is not coercion, and boundaries are not up for debate. If we don’t align, that’s fine, but respect should always be mutual. KDoll  KawaiiDollDecora.uk ❤️ #disabilityinclusion #stron...

Not Everyone Who Stands With You Is Safe — Learning to Walk Away Without Guilt

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Not Everyone Who Stands With You Is Safe — Learning to Walk Away Without Guilt     There comes a point where you stop trying to understand people who were never trying to understand you, and I’ve reached that point—not because I don’t care, not because it doesn’t hurt, but because I’ve finally accepted something that took me far too long to learn. Not everyone who smiles at you is safe, not everyone who supports you is genuine, and not everyone who stands beside you intends to stay there. Some people stand beside you just long enough to see what you’ve built, and then they try to tear it down. Backstabbing isn’t always loud or obvious, it doesn’t always come with dramatic exits or clear warning signs. Sometimes it looks like support, sometimes it sounds like kindness, sometimes it feels like alignment—until it doesn’t. Until the tone shifts, the respect disappears, and you realise the same people you were protecting, supporting, and showing up for are the ones speaking against...