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Showing posts from October, 2023

First day of 'hope':

Okay, not going to lie, I'm getting excited now XD Ahaha some fun acting adventure is what I think I've needed... Ahaha x Gonna be sad once it's over now lol πŸ˜† xx Thank you to everyone who have been so kind with your words of support and encouragement. Some of you know how hard this is for me and *13:33 lol* as I'm typing, and anyways some of you know the times I've barely clawed myself out of the darkness so I'm extremely grateful to know such amazing people like you. I've made some life long friends online and they haven't a clue how much I value them. I love you guys 🫢. For real. πŸ’― But yes, you have ALL helped get me here, to this point, about to act in a murder mystery and knowing all I've been through you know that this is something I'd never have imagined two years ago and even my own Da was worried I'd just die in my bed. I got through it.  I got out of it. 🌹 And I've worked darn hard to get here. I've done the work, much m

A kind reminder this Christmas:

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As I've been doing work with my son on A Christmas Carol, I just thought I'd share some history. The Poor Law was amended in 1834, sending anyone suffering from poverty to prisons and workhouses, and many families were split up. Charles Dickens published A Christmas Carol in December 1843, because he himself found himself struck by poverty when his father (middle class family) was arrested due to debt. He had to work at Warren's Blacking Factory when he was 12 years old, during the period his father was imprisoned for debt, his job was to paste labels onto the blacking pots. Because of this he felt that EDUCATION was the best way to TACKLE poverty and not people being penalised when they were already at their lowest. This inspired the five staves of A Christmas Carol and the tale of redemption. Remember not everyone is lucky enough to stay safe and warm these winter months and poverty is still a huge issue in modern day society. Remember that the poor aren't poor by cho

Junction 7 update: CCTV lost/deleted!!!

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Update in regards to Junction 7. Junction 7 (tagged as it refers to your charity.) I hide nothing. I'm not happy with this and will escalate a complaint directly to (town) Police . This is not good enough. S. Email correspondence: #unsafe #abusersprotected #biasedpolice #negligence #failuretoprotect #notgoodenough #disabilitysupport #DisabilityAdvocacy Email from police reads: "Good afternoon Sarah,   I hope you are well,   My biggest apologies I have just returned from sick leave in the last 2 days and have been catching up as best as I can.   Unfortunately, the CCTV would have been lost at this stage because GDPR only allows for CCTV to be stored for 28 days and it is therefore deleted.   If you would like your investigation to be closed that is fine and it will be closed but will keep on record for future incidents.   Thank you.   (Name)" My response reads: (Apologies for minor type errors in advance) "Good morning PC Peterkin, Thank you for getting back to me. I

Help for the sake of helping!

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Image reads:  "Why didn't you ask me for help?" Cause you saw I needed it and didn't offer it. -Soul Whispers And because not all of us have been treated with kindness when seeking help so yes we suffer instead of asking for help because people can suck and they only seem to want FAKE reputations of help and to not ACTUALLY help. Gawd forbid they ACTUALLY helped someone for the sole reason of being helpful! Help or don't, if you don't people like me will anyway, just don't be unkind and don't be abusive! Some of us have been knocked down more times than we can count and we're only still alive today because it's bigger than us. We have people we matter to and we actually make a difference and if YOU HAVEN'T HEARD of the people I've PERSONALLY helped or the differences I've made then LET THAT TELL YOU EVERYTHING about WHY I help others as opposed to believing nasty lies and assuming I don't. I don't care if you can't see w

You don't know what you don't know:

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Don't talk to me about life, especially MY life, unless you have survived some real AF shiii! You only assume to know about me, you don't even know what you don't know. So STFU when it comes to:  (Including but not limited to:) πŸŽƒ my disability πŸŽƒ my pain management πŸŽƒ how I enquire about things (politely and kindly btw) πŸŽƒ My blogging πŸŽƒ my mental health πŸŽƒ my intentions πŸŽƒ my body πŸŽƒ my choices 🩷 my son πŸŽƒ how YOU misunderstand me πŸŽƒ how I manage my finances πŸŽƒ how i navigate life with invisible disabilities You don't know. That's the facts! You just DON'T know. You usually believe false narratives or you assume. That's on you bro. That's on YOU! Peace and love. S. xx Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ #mylife #youdontknow #youassume #spoonfed #brainwash #gullible #judgemental #facts #community #foodforthought #discussion #buildeachotherup #disabled #disabilitysupport #disabilityinclusion #disappointed #reality #everyoneisdifferent #mentalhealth #disabledartist #

'Community':

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 With what's been happening with me being targeted recently for not being willing to tolerate disrespect and abuse, the term community has been on my mind an awful lot. What is a community and what does it mean? A common unit/common unity? Why are some people in a community so quick to attack or be abusive under the guise of 'doing good'? Why don't we have such decent communities anymore? Why are people fueled by hate more? And a meme I saw made me think even harder about it, as I'm someone whose been there before, seeking help and been met with abuse or disrespect or worse for being vulnerable, for seeking help. This needs to stop. Everyone deserves help when they're struggling. I thought about how I personally defined community, what is a community to me? Community is about being there for your fellow neighbors, whether you can stand them or not. It's about pulling people out of their darkest places on their darkest days without doing it for the sole purpo

Finally, some good news and I'm grateful to be getting the right support once again:

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 It took a few hours of phone calls but I managed to plead the facts of my case and PIP have accepted my mobility impairment and I've been awarded mobility pip again. Thank you everyone here who helped with my confidence to appeal their decision (I wasn't going to) but it's not really our, nor the decision makers fault, that I can't take any prescription medicine because they simply don't work and make me worse. They're accepting my cannabis use for pain management and I have a cannabis professional Dr's appointment on the 23rd Oct. Cost me £50 but it's worth it. I sent over my pain connect clinicians letter as I don't have involvement from rheumatology because my condition is incurable and it would waste NHS finances, like it did when I was constantly in and out of hospital with the opiates/opioids. I have a referral to a hospital pain clinic and I'm taking on additional excruciatingly high amounts of pain to manage my disability and mobility an

The *right* support:

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 So in need of a stress-free meditation sesh, I'm literally shaking. I'll be Ok, just know, cold weather is torture for those of us with dynamic disabilities, please still believe in us and support us as we continue to navigate life with such complicated conditions. We experience excruciating amounts of pain every day, it's nothing new, we just want to be able to live our lives and contribute, in our own ways, when we can. Sending love and positive thoughts and energies to everyone out there navigating health issues no matter how they're defined. You got this. 🫢♥️ S. xx Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ #coldweather #disability #blogger #disabilityadvocate #invisibleillness #support #contribute #art #awareness #difficulties #painmanagement #stress #IAmCapable #iamenough  "With the right support, we can do anything"

Ask for clarification:

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 I thought my post including that statement explained my intentions and what I meant by that. I don't mind being judged but I just wish people would query intentions before using it as an excuse to misunderstand. The government needs to step up when it comes to the disabled, had I remained bedbound and 'given in' to my disability, (depression, mental health, there's so many different factors that cause this.) I'd be paid full PIP. But, since I have decided to fight my own body and take on an ENORMOUS amount of extra pain to push myself and try and change my life, the government has failed me abysmally, as have companies that claim to be disabled - friendly but aren't. I have lost my mobility component despite being legitimately mobility impaired and that's wrong. I hope to hear from PIP tribunal soon, but please before anyone decides to use how they interpret something as an excuse to try and feed an ego, or be passive aggressive towards another individual,

Falls, grab rails and epic fails:

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 I had a fall in the bath this morning whilst trying to get out. So much for those grab rails they promised me. I'm always struggling it's nothing new, but at least I got a 🀘digital marketing webinar🀘in this morning and I'm now getting ready to go to town to post the thank you card for the lady from the Cornforth Partnership as well as the stickers and letters for [friend],  [friend] , [friend],  and a crowdfunder but I'll message her on IG today to let her know. I so need to be more organised than this.  Gonna get my pain under control and dry my hair and then get to town. I'm so drained and exhausted and I'm sick of the cold weather causing me to stiffen up and seize up to be honest. If only I'd have got that job then I could feel useful and they'd so benefit from having me work for them so with the lack of feedback and everything it's their loss on passing up on me when even they know I'd have been an asset. People come to me all the time fo

I need to do better

 TW: mental health; I'm so sorry. 🫢 I feel like I've let everyone down again. I think I need a kick in the butt tbh.  *Laughs through tears*  ...but I do just want to say a huge thank you so much to those who've been willing to hear me out and try and help. I'm sorry I'm not used to it and as much as I need friends I'm still ashamed of the fact my disability prevents me from doing a lot of things I wish were done already, like the decluttering of my home.  As soon as I get energy again I'll be focused on that and if any friends of mine are free soon, please let me know because although I don't have much funds I could do with some social time that's not all work. (I've been preoccupied with this play and learning my lines.) I think this healing will start with my mind. I feel like I've messed up, yet again, and I'm so terrible with relationships because I can't fix everything no matter how much love I throw at it, but I do want to cha

Repairing the damage caused by our corrupt system:

 I'm so proud of my son. I'm currently tutoring him and my parents have him at a museum today. He has the rest of a Christmas carol by Charles Dickens to read then I'm going to go round with my laptop and go through the revision and tests online with him. He's such a smart lad and I'm so happy and proud to be a part of his progress and education. We did a lot up until he was 2.5 yrs old, he was even learning German, I kept education fun, but the cancer and the system messed that up for all of us, so I'm so blessed and grateful to be able to tutor my son again and i finally feel semi - useful. I like to feel useful. I like to help and feel like I can offer something. Being human and disabled is so hard because you feel useless a lot of the time and you start to actually believe it. (Being housebound/bedbound many years will do that to someone as will the company they keep until they up their boundaries.) I hate feeling like I've failed as a mam, failed to pro

Remember your light! ✨

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 If you don't like someone but don't have the courage to let them know, so they keep messaging and caring about you oblivious of your true thoughts then please block them or let them know.  Too many people ignore people and pacify people who have zero clue what's going on in the minds of others. People who are altruists don't have any agendas and don't tend to get 'hints'.  We're all cool with the respectful hi and bye malarkie if we see ya around but you're allowed to not like people and you're allowed to have preferences, what's not okay is when people moan or complain to others but don't actually let the person they're unhappy with or just dislike, know anything. Tell people directly. Always. You owe it to them, to respect them enough to tell them they're wasting their time on you, so they can move on to people more on their level and therefore can't be mislabeled or misdefined in a negative light. If you are legitimately n

Sorry, there is no excuse...

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  Image reads: "IF SOMEONE ELSE IS AT WAR WITH THEMSELVES, IT WILL BE VERY HARD FOR THEM TO BE PEACEFUL WITH YOU. REMEMBER THAT."   -tinybuddha Sorry. It's no excuse. I fight a chronic pain condition and dynamic disability and if I can remain kind then so can they. Kindness is a choice. Just because you can't find peace doesn't mean you deserve to make others suffer. #foodforthought  #thoughtoftheday  -S.  Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷 xoxo xoxo xoxo

Colder weather makes us ache:

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I am extra achy because we're at the colder months now, but I will plough through so just be a little kinder to me whilst I fight with the cold again, and if all else fails I will hit my vape or hit a J. It's not easy by no means but I'm happy with all my progress and I will continue focusing on progress. I can be tired a lot more so I do slow down with everything but my commitments. If people were kinder it would be so much easier so I'm focused on surrounding myself with kind and amazing people and my body can calm down with its pain tantrums because I'm not going to quit. Lol. I will have more rest days etc but I will never quit. I'm capable of so much more and I'm working towards my goals. Every day is a new step in a new direction and I'm actually excited for my dress rehearsal this evening for the play and I'm about to have a coffee and wake myself up and start getting ready as I need all props and I need to do my make up for the character and

It's just not good enough:

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It's just not good enough considering the Newcastle office wanted me and forwarded my information to the Darlington office,  Dan said he'd hire me and the feedback given on the feedback call changed... and didn't even make sense. I already signed up to the webinars because of who and how I am so that's of no help whatsoever. The stigma with disabilities is too real and this is just not good enough. Their loss. S. Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷 #ee #eemobile #bt #BTGROUP #notgoodenough #disability #defendyourself #Respect  I admit I have made some type errors. For example 'feedba' should be 'feedback' and as my Android has been glitchy I'm missing a part of a sentence too ('feedback call' should be 'feedback on the call') but this is my response: Dan said he'd hire me in a heartbeat on the telephone interview and the second interview face to face I did really well in and my skill set speaks for itself but the feedback given was seriously l

Overlooked: the only difference is disability:

I wish I didn't have to do this but it's the reality of being disabled and feedback is important to someone like me. I felt deflected and gaslit on the call and I still am no further forward as to where I allegedly went wrong. So I have emailed recruitment and I am giving them an opportunity to explain in detail why I've been overlooked. It's all anyone can do and no I won't apologise for knowing my skill set nor will I apologise for caring and being driven and determined to the point I feel I deserve more informative feedback. If they think determination and ingenuity is hostility then that says more about them than it does anyone else and if I was hostile why would I care so much to the point I allowed her to gain an emotional reaction out of me and yet still stay on the phone in the hopes to find out more information. I'm human and I fix any mistakes. I genuinely feel they were put off by my disability or else why mention transportation in a negative way?  I