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Showing posts from 2024

Excited to get started and get my work done!

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Finally enrolled onto new courses... I accept I'm a dork and I'm totally excited to get these under my belt so I can continue my hard work towards leaving the world a better place than I found it! #supportalways  Sarah  W 🩷 ~And 13 is actually a lucky number for me...~

It hurts but I keep going:

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Femur neck fractures  Dislocated pelvis  They've left me a mess and I'm blessed to have close friends around me supporting me. Thank you, for making this week a little more bearable despite the agony I am in from my x-rays... I will likely need a hip replacement but all I can do is wait for the specialists now so forgive me if I refuse to be dragged into drama. No thank you. Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹 @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡ Image is an illustration by @invisibleontheoutside It is the back of a lady hunched over with hands on the back of her neck, blonde hair, tanned skin, grey top and a lighter grey backdrop. Image reads: "I just want a break from my own body"

Navigation:

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  Image: A black background with a hand covered in different coloured celebratory dust. Some colored dust is captured in a freeze frame of it spattering up and out of the hand. Image reads: "If someone shows you their true colours, don't try to repaint them." ~ It can be hard to accept that someone is not as you'd have liked them to be, a bitter pill to swallow indeed. However, albeit a bitter taste it is truly a revelation, an eye opener, a blessing; in this sense it allows you to process the facts of who they really were. You face your pain and agree with your hurt, upset and anger because they come from a place that you know deep within your soul, you'd have never ever done that to them. In a world such as this, cold, hard and rough around the edges, it is very rare to find genuine softness, kindness, empathy or emotion. Stoicism is the new trend and cure-all, and every day, more and more of us allow the world to take a chip off us, coercive control us and we s

Pelvic x-ray: (video clip)

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2018 one: I had my x-ray today at the hospital, first stork x-ray for them, and I got to see the damage on my dislocated pelvis as well as my previous x-rays. It's likely I'll need to see two specialists, one regarding my SPD and the other regarding the damage and extra bone growth on my hips. My left legs the worst. I finally feel validated, after years and years of people telling me I'm not really disabled and everything and the bullying and unkindness I just got major proof that they wouldn't last two seconds in my shoes. Walking on a dislocated pelvis. I'm proud of me. Totally proud, and so grateful to the friend who came with me today for support. Big day today and a step in the right direction. Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹  @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡

Make up is war paint...

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I always feel better if I have make up on and I'm in fashion I like. Yesterday was so sunny ☀️ I enjoyed a trip to a local store with a friend.    ...and a rare one without my glasses ahaha... Today: I'm off to a hospital appointment today let's hope we can expedite the surgery so I gain a little more mobility and a lot less pain from the pelvis... *Fingers crossed* Mind you if I bump into another Dr that has zero expertise and just wants to be a parrot stuck saying "you're disabled because you're fat" I can't promise I won't slxp them. I can't stand disrespect from men in any professional capacity. Shame on them. Hopefully today I'll be respected though and I have a friend coming for support which I'm grateful for. Having plenty of fluids for my kidneys and a small coffee and I need more exercise and I can't continue my rehabilitation until they suture my dislocated pelvis so hopefully they will help me in this quest to better over

Need energy 😩

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Exhausted. Been cleaning since 9am. (It's 12:16pm) Finally got my home sort of close to how it was before I allowed someone to stay. Got a parcel packaged up to post from my depop store. Just sat in my garden now that I've finally got mostly cleared and just need to clean little bits here and there, watching the clouds and birds. Buds just sitting with me and we're just chilling. Keep drinking fluids to help my kidneys and then got more work to sort. Busy busy bee 🐝. Then a friends popping round so be nice to catch up x Wishing everyone a wonderful Saturday and weekend! Sarah xx

Passion for progress:

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I am currently at 904k! 😅😬☠️👀  (As producer on IMDb) Just resubmitted my unit one for my understanding autism course, had to add a bit to 2/10 questions so happy that's sorted now and I'm currently working on an e-learning project for Naari Samata. Busy busy bee! 🐝  Happy though!  Making huge progress across the board and still learning Japanese! Booyah! Sarah. @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡

DVLA...

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DVLA wants £17, a new picture and my soul before it will grant me a new license... I really don't understand... I'm going to have to find my birth certificate by the looks of things even though they have evidence of my birth certificate and maiden name from the previous provisional before this one and the letters I've sent in. Why do they not accept documents over email to be more accessible for disabled people, my birth certificate has been misplaced in my home and I need to try and find it. Guess it's going to cost me more and take longer before I can get a motability car. Definitely sucks. I just don't understand why they over complicate everything. Now to get my blood sent to them along with my soul... Wish me luck... 😅🤣😬☠️ *Exhausted* Sarah x

Exciting times ahead:

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 I just had my interview catch up today about my upcoming position with Durham County Council as an independent visitor for children in the care system and I have six courses to do now and I'm excited to get started. This will be the last volunteering project I will be doing as it is the third now but I am so pleased I can give back to my community and support others. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life and I want to make a positive difference in all that I do and I can do this whilst volunteering for Age UK and Naari Samata. *Excited* They're just waiting on some references now but it's all looking good and I'm keeping to deadlines and planning everything out well in advance and none of this would be possible without my wonderful pain management with my clinic. So much has changed the last three years but all for the better and if you keep making small goals and hit your targets they become bigger goals and better achievements. It's all a learni

Birthdays and meetings:

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I wanna say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's been so kind and wished me a happy birthday to me today and the mates that stepped up and helped me get a cider and that, you mean the world to me and I appreciate you so much!  Sending lots of love 💟 xx Been to the council meeting and now having a nice chill cider and enjoying the atmosphere at my local sports complex, in which the staff are always amazing and helpful.  Totally invaluable/indespensable. Just like my mates 😅🥹💪❤️ Stay shining! ✨ You've all helped to make my birthday a good one so I don't even know what I was even worried about! Just get anxious around my birthday but this one has been absolutely lovely. Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹 Xoxo

Nettles and cleaning up:

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I was sorting my garden, cleaning up after my dog Bud ahaha and got some of the overgrown pulled but the nettles aren't happy... Got attacked, slapped on the wrist so I'll tackle them later... *Uncomfy* 😫 Rinsed under cold water and sudocrem. At least I'm doing my bestest! The old chair has gone now so my garden is lovely and clear now. Had a meeting with the charity yesterday and I've got my work I need to do now, I'm so excited to get started! Sarah x

Had two days from hell...

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The last two days the universe has really been testing me and I don't want any more lessons, nevermind being tested. I'm alone, I'm exhausted and I'm doing my best. I am autistic. I keep to myself because others bring problems to me and I don't want them. Provoking will cause meltdowns. Attacking will trigger meltdowns. Where are the soft spoken kind hearted individuals that seek resolution and support? Have compassion and patience? If you're angry at my reaction think about what I'm reacting to and what I may be dealing with myself. Have some basic common human decency, not all of us are capable of doing things like others do, ask HOW CAN I HELP instead of HOW CAN I HATE?! ..and we'd get way further together... Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹 @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡ Image reads: "To make a difference in someone's life you don't have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect. You just have to care." -Mandy Hale

Shop trips and Sindys:

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my trip out June 27th 2024 I went out with a friend and I was mainly window shopping, but it was so nice to see new Sindy dolls and things at a Bargains store in Stanley, they had black and white race dolls and were inclusive and diversive and as a doll collector, someone who has a lot of old school Sindy dolls, I would have loved to have been able to afford some of these ones at £8.99 a doll! There was also an arcade game for £179 that gave me ideas for a creative room in my home in future, as I'd love to have something like that at home. They remind me of the arcades I used to frequent in Crook growing up, even when I had no money watching others game was something I did for fun. Then we would hang out at the skate park and chill. It was nice to have a trip out and I've put together a little video short of the day. Enjoy. Sarah xo @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡ #Sindy #Sindydoll #doll #collector #blacksindydoll #diversity #inclusion #shoptrip 

Actioning positive change and Articles:

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My hard work and advocacy has been mentioned here: I make valid points about the smell and the impact it has on our residents and if more of us worked together to try and action positive change when it comes to common goals; I genuinely believe we could resolve more. - Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹 Full article: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13504849/landfill-rotten-eggs-stench-illnesses-durham-aycliffe.html By Sam Lawley

Huge regret:

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I started an understanding autism course and pre-agreed flexibility prior to doing the course due to my dynamic disabilities. It's not a choice to be disabled and I'm as helpless and choice less when it comes to managing it as best as I can, I can't always work around it and the worst that happens is that I need rest, and to prolong anything I'm working on. I never take on anything that deadlines would be fixed and inflexible and it's never the end of the world if someone needs to extend a deadline, and yet... I emailed Lincoln College asking for another two weeks so I can study properly and in depth and sent 18 pages of hard work I've done so far. I don't so things half-assed and never will. The new lady that replied as my main one is on leave, said no. She can give me 2 extra days. Ableism : a perfect example. So I simply replied that I'm not happy with that, that's not what was pre-agreed and I am the one without a choice in the matter so whatever

Support me or don't:

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 You support as many as you can, you comfort and build up others, ❤️ yet when you don't tolerate mistreatment others sabotage and exclude and mistreat but you're the problem when you don't sit back quietly and allow them to...  All I can do is my best and I will work around people who choose pettiness over communication and hostilities over resolution. I'm not for everyone, but don't you dare for one second allow them to convince you that I'm the problem. Just cause I don't post everything and I work hard all the time and people don't notice or see that doesn't mean it isn't happening. I will continue to do my best for those on the town and if others choose to only help those that allow abuse and negativity, then they can help those who stay silent and take it, but that's not help it's control and ego. I hope some people look into a mirror and realise the part they have played in all of this and stating facts and not remaining silent isn&

I'm simply not for you:

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  Image reads: "Healing teaches you that some people simply don't belong in your circle, no matter how much you care about them. Unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional tolerance of abuse, disrespect, or chaos; it's about setting boundaries that aren't up for negotiation." ...and my morals are never up for negotiation... 🌹🌹🌹 All I'm doing is focusing on managing a disability, supporting charities, running a safe space for everyone on the town, volunteering and working with charities, building others up and sharing and promoting them; especially if they're local, studying hard to be a better advocate to all, advocating for communication and resolution over ignorance and hostilities, fighting pain, trying to be a good role model for my son, trying to raise awareness and give others a voice regarding invisible illness, suggesting people think about things in a little more depth, judge less, be kind more and focusing on actioning positive change.

Common goals:

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I just wish people would give their heads a shake, all have a meeting and resolve things so we can all do better together, it's the LEAST the town deserves, they can dislike me, be awful, whatever but we should all be doing what we can to build the town up not fight for silly limelight and lack the ability to communicate, or bully. It's sad. Completely unnecessary too. Some people would rather pretend they didn't do anything harmful and move on and make out the people they harm are the problem, but with that you lose promotion and opportunities which would help the town as a whole. I wish people would put their ego to the side and realise we have a common goal but I guess some believe that they are entitled to be ignorant, abusive or unprofessional/ uncooperative and when someone points it out they believe that person is worthy of MORE abuse and hate and boycotting. It will never make sense to me, no matter what has caused it, these people have power in publications in Aycl

ASD and Society:

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 As I'm currently studying the understanding autism course via Lincoln College. https://www.sciencealert.com/earliest-biological-signals-of-autism-found-in-mini-brains-experiment This article is quite interesting; I am currently looking at how the diagnostic statistical manual has updated - DSM-5 - and how most previously named isolated autistic spectrum disorders are now no longer diagnosed using such terminology and instead are diagnosed under a more generalized umbrella term of ASD. Autistic spectrum disorder. There still needs to be more research into conditions like this. And I feel that undiagnosed and diagnosed individuals should have more say in regards to curriculum and how they are described as individuals.  I am an open minded individual and so it was basic common sense for me to understand that every autistic individual is completely different with different traits, however, society hasn't seemed to have that kind of open-mindedness and a lot of people previously fe

I wish things had been different:

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I wish people communicated better, I wish people focused on our community more, I wish people didn't condone abuse or boycott those who actively fight for people on the town and their rights. I'm sad but I'm continuing on... I had thought since the blacklisting and boycotting that my canvas would have already been removed, do I want this? Do I want it removed? Of course not! I love my town. But it seems that people prefer blocking and boycotting and sabotage and I can't change that so I can't leave that there unfortunately. I can't change the position other people put me in and I can't make them care, change or help me to share and promote and support my town, but I can continue to do that as best as I can myself. What's really not fair is the lack of communication, it makes no sense to me.  A lot of things can be resolved but some people choose ego and bias over resolution and communication. They treat you poorly and hope no one will find out and ignore

Understanding Autism and Japanese:

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I am continuing my understanding Autism course: Need to complete Unit 1! 🙌🙌🙌🙌 I've also been busy learning more Japanese! I'm focusing on improving me so if others can't appreciate that I can't make them! I will always defend people from abuse and negativity and will always choose to build others up, there's never any excuse to bring people down!  Sarah xo @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡

Bad situations, negative people and still going strong:

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  Image: " you don't hate them, but you see them clearly. You won't hurt them back, but you will not allow them to continue hurting you."  - Morgan Richard Olivier. I will never understand women who choose to hate and dictate and think they're the only one going through things... I don't post everything online, yet people think they know everything and can tell me how to handle situations other people put ME in. We should be building each other up, there's no excuse for it. But at least bad situations show you who your true friends are and who never liked you in the first place so you can avoid them. 🙌 All I can do is be my authentic self and if others don't understand my way of doing things or my life that's a 'them' issue. A lady commented yesterday on my notice because I've found some men on the town to be very unhelpful and play mind games etc, and lack accountability and this lady thinks that trying to dictate to me to silence me

Keep moving forward:

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Success: image reads " my idea of success is feeling safe in my home, comfortable in my skin, and present enough to enjoy the little things in my life." -Addie All I can do is keep moving forward and keep working hard despite how toxic my hometown is becoming. I had to update my Aycliffe Uncensored Facebook page with this: Just to let everyone know we can't share posts from Around Town Aycliffe Radio anymore since Paul Howarth from Newton Press refused to print my hard work regarding advocacy and refused to represent me properly, was verbally abusive to me I have been *blacklisted* from there and I can't be bothered with grown men who are incapable of communication or petty mind games. Phillip Hawkins has blocked me and I've unfriended Andrew Hill and left the Radio group. ADM's Tony Beddard still hasn't apologised for how he appreciated promotion over how disabled people are treated and I've told a kind lady I know not to hold her breath. It seems ego

NEWTON PRESS review : Blacklisting:

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Newton Press  Newton Aycliffe Review By Sarah “Lovehearts” Local Guide·10 reviews·11 photos ⭐ One star: UPDATE: BECAUSE I WON'T TOLERATE NASTY SARCASM AND ABUSE I'M NOW BLACKLISTED FROM AYCLIFFE RADIO AND AROUND TOWN RADIO WITH PHILLIP HAWKINS AND ANDREW HILL. Cheers 😔 see: https://pgpandspd.blogspot.com/2024/06/hacked-stickers-betrayal-and-pride.html I got off the phone to Paul Howarth yesterday, whilst I'm with my son in public in a cafe, the ADM meet didn't go ahead, but we stayed anyway and my son encouraged me to merely enquire about the article and why my image was not printed, Paul stated it was a space issue but I explained he'd spliced images before and how much would it cost to get the photo in the paper so I can feel positively represented by my home town as a Newtonian since his only reason was the article was FREE, anyway he got rude and abruptly stated he does a LOT for ADM and it's ALL FREE and that he feels I'm being REALLY UNFAIR and hung u

Hacked, Stickers, Betrayal and Pride:

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I got my support stickers printed and they came out too cute 🥺: I got hacked for the very first time and had to change all my passwords etc ...  They kept adding me back into the ADM group I left after Tony's comment and I valued some decent women in there, and since the whole Paul Howarth incident, Phillip Hawkins blocked me (not unfriended) on Facebook and now they're declining my posts including a post I shared on behalf of one of their upcoming radio guests regarding Pride at Bishop Auckland College. Guess it's personal and it's boycotting/sabotage in a way. I wish some men grew some bxlls and told me I am not welcome in the 'around town Aycliffe Radio' Facebook group so I can leave instead of wasting my time trying to support my own town and share events and BUILD OTHERS UP, while grown men try and play mind games with me, which I really don't appreciate.  D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.M.E.N.T. One of the gentlemen I messaged and asked  'What's going on?

Durham County Council, accessibility issues and Events:

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I tried to book a bulky collection for the chair on DCC's do it online but they haven't updated it like they promised so again no accessibility... Phoning them now ... Great 😔 I've also been taken off the assist list so wtf lol 😂 having to get that updated too! #accessibilitymatters Great start to my Friday lol 😆  Anyways I'm getting ready for Pride tonight and thanks to Bacchanalia and Naz Khan Productions there's a lot of good local events on lately! I love it when people care about my area like I do! It's really sunny so we have good weather at least and it's a full moon tonight apparently! Yay! I've been so very busy that it's going to be nice to be able to chill and enjoy an event for once! My friend is going with me so I'm excited! 😊  I'll book the removal of this armchair as soon as the assist list has been resolved and oh dear the call just cut dead but the lady said if that happens she'll call me back... 😳 ...maybe if I ment

Pride:

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Bishop Auckland College and Baccanalia events are hosting a pride event tomorrow and so I got a nice top for it and got my nails done today to go with. I am so excited about it and to be able to get out of the house, I go to Emily's Nail and Beauty on the town who are so lovely, I've only ever gone there because it's the best place for the styles I like and they do a really amazing job! Took about three hours lol. I'm in awe of them, so beautiful for pride! Thank you as always for reading about my lickle life. Sarah x @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡

Wish I had something positive to update for this:

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 ..but I haven't and have to close this situation now entirely having waiting for people to see the error of their ways and I'm glad I didn't hold my breath. My morals aren't purchasable or interchangeable, I own my actions when I'm the problem and I won't hide from facts or the truth or how others choose to disrespect people on the town. It's funny when you get disrespected and others avoid you over it. I respect that. Avoid away. Like I said my morals can't be purchased. They don't change no matter whether I benefit or suffer from speaking the truth. Every single Newtonian matters to me, including me and what Tony's comment seems to show is they're willing to post a thank you to someone who thinks speaking to people aggressively and taking the mick and being sarcastic is A-Okay and way more important than disabled rights or the rights to be spoken to with basic respect. Guess ALL disabilities only matter if Tony Beddard is benefiting. Which