Rehomed:
I rehomed my baby axolotl today, with my disabilities and having taken on my dog Bud, it was getting too much and then last night the tank leaked loads, and I realised it has been leaking for quite some time.
Ponyo, my beautiful dark freckled water baby, has a new home with a loving owner now and it's strange and I'm going to miss the little guy but I'll visit him often.
He's nearby, about half an hour by car so it's not all bad. It was necessary and I'm mixed about it as I will be because I get attached but at the same time I have to be realistic.
I had to call an ambulance for a friend this morning and they're okay so that's good news, I cant go into more detail than that as it's not my place but they have a follow up tomorrow and I'm hoping all is well.
Bud is as daft as ever and becoming a very clingy baby indeed, I'm still working on his training and slow progress is being made so I can't be disheartened.
I will be visiting my grandma tomorrow with my mam and I don't even know if she'll know who I am as it's been about 12 years since I saw her, (due to being bedbound and then rebuilding the last few years), but I will still be pleased to have seen her never the less.
She has dementia and will probably not remember me but I still love her and want to visit so I'm looking forward to that.
A friend and I had food and watched the movie Pixels tonight after taking Bud for a walk so I feel like things are moving in the right direction and I got some much needed exercise in despite how achy I am and how cold it is at the moment.
My friend Kurt is playing my track Zombie Undead on his underground streaming show tonight so if you want to tune in, or re-tune in at a later date you can do so here:
I know that I've not managed to get everything sorted or done but at least Christmas is sorted, bills are paid and I'm making slow progress with decluttering so even a little progress is still progress and that's all that matters.
I need to gift myself the gift of closure this year, especially when it has been denied to me so I shared a meme that had me in giggles and a 'feck it' attitude and I hope it helps others to gift themselves closure from bad apples and bad experiences too.
We can't change how others choose to treat us after they've harmed us, and we can't make them care or be in alignment with the morals they claim to have but we can say no to future issues and close the door on the pain and weight they left in their wake.
I choose to uplift people, spread positivity, defend those who need defending and use my voice to raise awareness to make the world better and action positive change and that's my choice. I refuse to add to the bad the world already has, it may be cheesy but many comic books taught me a lot and I stand by those mottos today and always.
People constantly approach me and confide in me and that makes me proud to be a safe space for people and someone who helps people feel heard, valued and understood. I create safe spaces because I am fed up of there not being real safe spaces within our society. I would say I became one but the truth is I've always been one, and that's something no false narratives can ever change. Reality is always unchanged and undefined by rumours, gossip and false words.
I need to learn to let go easier sometimes and need to learn how to accept the hurt and harm that others cause when they get my hopes up and then choose to shatter them. But I'm working on that and that never makes me a bad person. Struggling with the fact there are people who choose harm in positions where they have responsibilities over vulnerable people is not a human error or something that's bad. It's called compassion and genuine worry and wanting to safeguard. If people want to twist and distort it into something else then that's their issue.
I'd be asking why it doesn't bother them like it does me, especially with what I've learned about behavioural psychology...just saying.
Anyways, enough negatives, today's been a hectic one but I'm fighting and enduring and ploughing forward regardless.
I truly hope next year will be way better and I always work towards and hope for an easier life, and less pain even though that's not gonna happen. Ahaha. A gal can dream.
I'm off to listen to my friends underground music station now and to relax with doggy cuddles.
As always I appreciate all of my readers and I write my blog because I document the ups and downs of my life and want people to understand the reality of being disabled and the struggles we face.
I want people to never feel alone like I've been made to feel at times and to always be confident and brave enough to speak up against bullies, tyrants and abuse and protect their fellow sisters and brothers in life.
Our voice is sometimes all we have, but sometimes it's more powerful than most can comprehend and if used wisely we could have a much better environment and more safe spaces for ALL.
Thank you ever so much for following me on my life journey and I hope that at the very least, that some of my content has you believing in yourself, seeing your worth and help you to feel less alone.
Much love and kindness.
Sarah Wingfield ❤️ xx
