PGP / SPD My story:

Don’t talk to me about “real strength”. People don’t see the struggles that happen behind the screens. The pain. The breakdowns. The tears. The days where simply existing takes everything you have. People might look at disabled people and think we’re weak, but some of us are the toughest people you will ever meet — because we endure. We adapt. We stick around. We keep going, even when our bodies are screaming at us to stop. Tonight, I’m in tears. Peter made me a coffee, I’ve got the TV on, I’m doing my pain management, and the sofa has basically been my home for the last fortnight. My hair is knotted up. I’m exhausted. I don’t know how much longer this pain flare is going to last. And this is the side people don’t always see. Chronic illness and disability don’t just affect the person living with them. They affect relationships, plans, routines, independence, confidence, intimacy — and the people who love us too. They affect all those tiny, everyday things able-bodied people can often ...

The body I live in. Written by Sarah Wingfield / Kawaii Doll Decora   The rocky terrain keeps making my ankles twist as I find it hard to gain my footing. Why did my body become this clumsy, tight and painful suit I have to carry like a lead weight in this world? Whilst almost everyone around me floats so effortlessly and smoothly through life? I sigh. Every step I take creates pain, swelling, tenderness, I don't ever remember doing any sports where I never had earache or pulled muscles, tendons or soreness. It went unseen for so long, job failure after job failure with no answers to what was making my health as such. I had people looking at me like I'm the same as them and dismissing me for not being able to perform or operate as robotically as them. When in reality I worked much harder than most, liked to keep busy but needed days and days off where I lay in pain or swelling and my body had yet again let me down. I am disabled. Those words still hit me hard, like a knife jol...

Today should be a day of celebration.  After years of hard work, consistency, determination, and refusing to give up, my stickers finally arrived for my autograph packages. ❤️ They represent two parts of my life that I have poured my heart into: creativity and advocacy. They represent the people I've supported, the voices I've amplified, the causes I've stood up for, and the dreams I've continued to chase even when life made things difficult. But if I'm honest, this past week has been relentless. I think people sometimes forget that behind every profile, page, group, blog, or business is a human being. It's difficult to fully celebrate something you've been excited about when you're simultaneously navigating health battles, recovering from targeted behaviour, dealing with family wounds, and preparing for court proceedings connected to past abuse. Today, when these arrived, I expected to feel excited. Instead, I mostly felt tired. And that's okay. Bec...

Real Pain Management Isn’t a Crime: ( Uncensored image at the bottom of the post because PAIN MANAGEMENT should NEVER be CRIMINAL .) THIS is just a woman having medicine. Yet in the UK, the way I first accessed that medicine was illegal. That’s the reality of what happens when control, stigma, and money dictate healthcare instead of lived experience. Yes, before I could legally access medical cannabis, I tried marijuana illegally for my disabilities. I was honest about that — even with the police. Once I realised it genuinely helped my chronic pain and quality of life, I went legal. But apparently that honesty didn’t matter. THIS image — taken from a video where I finally had enough pain relief to dance a little and be silly for once — contributed to my advocacy work with Durham County Council being cancelled. It also impacted my employment support after trust completely broke down. People ask why I speak up about “breaking the law.” Because it never should have been against the law in...

Laundry: #SheDidIt ahaha 😂😅💖 For most people, laundry is just laundry… but for me, damp clothes are a full sensory NOPE. 😭😅 The texture, the smell, the whole experience gives me the biggest ick. So honestly? I’m proud of myself for getting it done today. 🫶🏻 Living with chronic pain and fluctuating energy means even “small” tasks can take a huge amount of physical and mental effort. This week has been exhausting, but I’ve still managed to keep pushing through, and I’m really grateful for that. Medical cannabis has genuinely helped me regain some independence and quality of life. When your pain is reduced even slightly, it becomes easier to function, easier to stay motivated, and easier to feel human again instead of feeling defeated by your body all the time. I’m absolutely knackered now and I’ve got a meeting tomorrow… but hey, we keep going. 💖 And I’m grateful that I still can. Sarah xo #ChronicPainWarrior #DisabledCreator #MedicalCannabisUK #MedicalVape #ChronicIllness #Neuro...

Chronic pain warriors will understand this one. When pain hits hard, you’ll search everywhere for the one thing that helps take the edge off. For some of us, medical vapes or prescribed treatments are part of how we manage symptoms and get through the day. Living with chronic illness often means constantly adapting — finding tools, treatments, and coping strategies that help us function in a world not built for bodies like ours. Humour is sometimes how we survive it. Because if we didn’t laugh about the chaos of pain, brain fog, and losing things when we need them most… we’d cry. To anyone else navigating chronic pain, invisible illness, or disability: you’re not weak, you’re resourceful. Every day you adapt, survive, and keep going — and that takes real strength. 💗 Sarah Wingfield  Independent Disability Advocate  KawaiiDollDecora.uk #ChronicPain #DisabilityAwareness #InvisibleIllness #ChronicIllness #DisabledAndProud Alt text: A humorous meme-style image shows a fashion dol...

 🌸 In Concrete I Bloom 🌸  I wrote In Concrete I Bloom as a chronic pain warrior — for every person who keeps growing even when their body feels like it’s working against them. This song is about resilience that nobody sees. About waking up in pain and still choosing to exist. About finding beauty, softness, and hope in places that were never meant to let anything grow. Chronic pain isn’t weakness. It’s strength built quietly, day after day, without applause. If you live with pain, fatigue, illness, or an invisible battle — this song is for you. You are not broken. You are not failing. You are blooming in concrete. 🌈🌱 Thank you to everyone who listens, feels seen, or finds a moment of comfort in this track. We survive. We adapt. We bloom. 🎧 In Concrete I Bloom – K•Doll feat. Mai #InConcreteIBloom #ChronicPainWarrior #InvisibleIllness #DisabledAndProud #PainIsNotWeakness #Resilience #WeBloomAnyway #KDollMusic #DisabilityAwareness K•Doll is a rising music artist blending pur...

The biggest issue for chronic pain warriors is not 'addiction' it's suicide #suicideawareness Credit: KawaiiDollDecora.UK Sarah Wingfield  Independent Disability Advocate    #disabilityinclusion #strongertogether #disability #disabilityawareness #disabilitysupport #disabilityrights Alt text: Pastel kawaii-style illustration showing a sad-looking young woman with long pink hair and glasses, hugging a plush bunny for comfort. She is surrounded by soft clouds, hearts, sparkles, and a rainbow arching across the top. Cute but somber details include small skull characters, a crying cloud holding a noose-shaped rope, and a tipped-over pill bottle with tablets spilling out, symbolising the seriousness of chronic pain and mental health struggles. Text on the image reads: “The biggest issue for chronic pain warriors is not ‘addiction’ it’s suicide” with the hashtag #suicideawareness. The artwork is signed and credited “KawaiiDollDecora.UK” in a pastel, dreamy background.

Broken But Still Beautiful – The Chronic Pain Doll Purple skin, green pigtails, one leg on the floor, a robotic arm and eye cover dangling, little eyes scattered below… a broken doll. She’s not polished, not perfect, but she’s real. I made her to represent how chronic pain feels – like pieces of you fall away when the world isn’t looking. People see the surface and assume you’re fine, but they don’t see the invisible struggles, the parts of you you’ve lost along the way. Disability isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it’s hidden inside joints that ache, nerves that burn, or energy that drains before the day has even started. This doll is me – and she’s many of us. A reminder that even when the world doesn’t see your pain, it’s still there. You’re still valid. You’re still whole in your own way. I also hope amputees can find something in her too. Because losing a piece of yourself – whether visible or invisible – doesn’t erase your worth. It doesn’t strip away your beauty. You’re not less b...

The Despair of Bad Pain Days Some days it feels like I’m being tossed around like a yo-yo. One moment I’m crushed by frustration, the ache of pain, and the creeping sense of uselessness. The next, I’m trying to claw my way back up with affirmations, telling myself to be kind, to be gentle, to hold myself the way I would hold anyone else who was suffering. It’s a constant back-and-forth, exhausting in its own right. The truth is: my energy is low. And when your energy is so scarce, everything feels magnified. Every task on the list grows heavier, looming over you as if it’s urgent, as if not ticking it off makes you a failure. But when I take a step back, I see the truth more clearly. Because I know where I’ve come from. I was once bedbound. Housebound. I spent over a decade within the same four walls, surviving days blurred with pain, surviving nights that felt endless. And even then, even when I was flat on my back in a hospital bed, I still tried to help others, to be there, to give ...

What Caused My Latest Seize Up Sometimes it’s the smallest things that tip my body into chaos. This time, it was a bath. I was at my partner’s home and he hadn’t put the water heater on. I thought, it’s fine – I’ll make do. I should just be grateful to have water at all. So I ran a cold bath. The moment I got in, I knew I’d made the wrong choice. My muscles, tendons, ligaments, and joints all seized in protest. Pain shot through me. My whole body locked up in a way that felt both brutal and familiar. Lesson learned, the hard way. The aftermath was just as frustrating. I had to cancel and reschedule my driving lesson, and instead of moving forward with plans, I was left flared up, seized, and forced into extra rest. With everything else life has been throwing at my partner and me lately, it was too much for my body to tolerate – and it let me know. I’m still hoping I’ll make it to the council meeting tonight, but just in case, I’ve arranged for someone I know to collect the papers for m...

 Do not internalise ableism. You didn't choose this. Your feelings are valid. Your struggling is real. Stay kind to yourself and stay around people who understand.  Chronic pain is difficult but it's society that makes it even worse for chronic pain sufferers. Sarah Wingfield Independent Disability Advocate  #chronicpainisvalid #DisabilityPrideMonth #disabilitysupport #disabilityinclusion Alt text / image description: A circular infographic titled "Chronic Illness Gaslighting" with the subtitle "Chronically Fabulous: You Are Not Alone". The circle contains six coloured bubbles, each representing a common gaslighting phrase directed at people with chronic illness. They are numbered 1 to 6 and arranged in a loop to show the ongoing cycle. The phrases are: 1. "Other people have it worse" (orange bubble) 2. "You are exaggerating your symptoms" (red-orange bubble) 3. "It is all in your head" (light blue bubble) 4. "You need to b...