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Showing posts from December, 2023

Appreciation:

 I want to say a huge thank you to those that use their own minds, to those that offered me safe spaces this year and to those who seek truth over gossip. You have helped me stay resilient and kind and endure some traumatic things and I'm so proud to know you. Some of you are simply online and we haven't met, but your words still hold dear in my heart. A genuine friend is a genuine friend, no matter whether we have met in person or not and there needs to be more genuine and authentic people in this world. This world needs you. I've needed you. I appreciate you. 🩷✨ S. xoxo Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨

2024:

I deal with everything directly. I want to start 2024 away from people that are hateful, spiteful, lie and deceive. So if I can't get closure then I'll give it to myself. The freedom to stand up to anyone and everyone who wants to try and bring drama or BS into my lane. I cope differently. I'm wired differently. ..and I definitely have nothing whatsoever to hide. πŸ’― S. xoxo Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ "People don't have to like it, they don't have to understand it and they don't have to be around me, but since people don't understand what it means to be honest or be there for each other, I will always and forever have MY own back, as I have many times before and before that. I live in my truth and I'm not interested in being liked or unliked, I'm only interested in being allowed a peaceful life where only genuine people and support networks are around me. It's not hard to tell right from wrong. Period."

Liars:

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Liars: you need a tip so here it is, if you're gonna fabricate a story about me make sure it's something I'd 'actually' do as opposed to random BS cause those that know me see through YOU! Don't peeve off good people around me! πŸ’― People on my town can totally suck...at lying.  Liar: Poor poor liar Can't understand why your lies backfired Since you are a tryer You succeeded in the gullible and misguided For they follow you like sheep They'll hang on your every word Even when they themselves, can see that it's absurd. Your age doesn't matter You're focused on your agenda And if you find someone who sticks up for themselves Then you'll get everyone to unfriend her Your little flying monkeys Who believe your false narratives When your pedestal breaks Be prepared to fall on your hateful unwarranted... Lying lying lies So you can disguise Your part that you played You didn't get your own way So you're gonna declare war today And hope s

Miss you...

This one personally goes out to one of the best men I ever had the pleasure of knowing, my guide, my idol, smart, kind, self-aware and so missed by us all. πŸ₯ΊπŸ«ΆπŸΌ  Gone but never forgotten: πŸ₯€ (Poem) I light a candle It brightens up this room Like your smile did That beautiful afternoon I light a candle And I watch it dance As I remember you dancing To your favourite bands I light this candle For all those gone  Who remain in our memories Lived on by loved ones I light this candle For all the tears that were shared  For all of the pain and all of the fears And the sorry's I never said I light this candle With a heavy heart  For I wasn't quite ready For you to depart I still had aspirations I wished we had more time But most of all I light this candle,  because the blessing of your existence, ... was actually mine. I was blessed to know you, Which is why it's so hard to let you go, So I light this candle, To make sure that you know. That we will always love you, And think of

2023: Lessons Learned:

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 2023: Lessons Learned: I've been trying to navigate myself through life and 2023 has taught me a lot which I extremely appreciate as it helps me to understand the world around me and why people do what they do. So far I've learned that some people can do the most despicable things and if they're useful to people, they'll over look it. Selfishness always takes over and as long as someone is useful to them they'll even overlook any bigoted or discriminatory thoughts they have against someone themselves. As long as they can get what they want it doesn't matter who it's from or what they do or have done. This was a HUGE eye opener for me so I want to personally thank everyone who chose to act poorly against me this year because good things always come from bad and I needed to understand why people choose to support or condone bad behaviours and I've finally got an answer. It helps me to avoid potential issues in future and safeguard myself as well as not ta

Behind the scenes:

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This is one of my sketches from October last year. I didn't want to stop until it was finished, so I cried through the pain. People think I'm an artist with a disability which is true but what I mean when I say disabled artist is that it hurts to create art. My chronic pain condition makes life unbearable some days and I refuse to give up on my art. My tears and heart and soul go into every piece. I will continue forward with my art journey and try and get this to become a business but right now I appreciate all those who are kind enough to support me and share my work. You are the angels of my home town and on social media and I appreciate you so very very much. It's not easy trying to be an artist (or anything) when you seize up and really sore, but I work through the pain and I endure it as best as I can because the art I create speaks more than any words I could write. I'm also an ebook author on Amazon, starting out, and as social stigma prevents me from finding a

The aftermath of Junction 7 charity:

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I think things SHOULD be talked about, especially when it's important. If you don't fair enough. But don't be starting crap just cause you can't understand. I'm happy to discuss everything and anything cause I have nothing to hide and haven't actually done anything wrong. I can't change how other people choose to perceive reality or the facts especially if they want to skew them to fit their bias narratives. But I will address things because it's helpful to myself as well as raising important awareness to protect others. If I go through something shitty I never ever want anyone else to go through the same things hence awareness is key to help others with protective measures and the safeguarding of others. If I'm repetitive so what, it's social media, posts get missed and I can't help people or change anything if I sit in silence and overlook abuse and serious incidents simply because someone runs a charity or organisation, or recently won an

Wisdom teeth need renaming!

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 Ugh! I'm so dizzy and faint and this pain is unreal. I got dry socket before and I don't understand why this tooth extraction is triple the agony I was in with the dry socket! They used less anaesthesia this time but it was more painful this time... I'm just venting cause I'm struggling but pain seems to be a constant part of my life these days and I'm just tired. *Sigh*. Everything hurts, all of the time and now it's just hard dealing with this on my own. Why does time go slower when pain is extremely bad?  A second can feel like half an hour, it's crazy. Anyways I'm done venting and I feel for anyone who has to ever get teeth extracted. Poor poor souls. I have swelling, neckpain, jaw pain, earache, I'm shaky and clammy and I've had to use the oil I have because I'm not coping, the shaking and the mouth trauma has offset my disabilities and I'm stiff and achy everywhere and worried I'm about to have a flare up. Nothing I can do abou

Ouch!

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 Well this is definitely the most painful wisdom tooth extraction I've had, add pain from cold weather and swelling and earache and I just haven't had much sleep at all. *sigh* They had to wiggle it a lot and my whole jaw aches. Hope this is the last extraction I'll ever need. Third time going through this and I just can't stand it. I've had a little bit of oil as I can't smoke the flower due to the clotting and healing and risk it infections. But honestly I just want sleeping pills so I can wake up when my face no longer feels like it's had a screwdriver rammed into it. Lol. Alas I have to endure. Woke up with blood all over my lips again and I'm gonna have to take it easy although I just wanna curl up and cry lol. So much for pain warrior, I feel utterly drained and useless right now. Here's a picture of my Bud when he was a puppy cause it's cute πŸ₯ΊπŸ₯°. S. xoxo Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ #blog #tooth #extraction #agony #disabilities #disabledblogger

Loners and Friends:

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Funny thing is they tend to come back once they realise my words hold weight and I don't hold grudges lol. Last year though I realised when I let people back in my life I need to be cautious and make sure they show me they've changed from what drifted us apart and trust and everything is re-earned. How others choose to behave is how I decide how much access they have to me. I wish I had learned this sooner as I've always worn my heart on my sleeve and welcomed people who legitimately hurt me, back with open arms. I know now and this is why good people are around me these days. Which I'm grateful of. It's hard being used to feeling alone and having endured a long time of being made to feel like you're nothing and worthless, but I found my voice and I'm learning still and I'm always working on becoming a better version of myself. If something still hurts, it still hurts, I am done being mad at myself for caring so much! It's a GOOD thing that I care, a

I wish I felt less useless:

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Quilling and painting day as I'm lethargic and my depression is heightened. *Need to feel less useless* Then I'm on training Bud today! Thanks go to my friend Matt, for this epic training video which is really useful as well as my psychology studies. It's greatly appreciated. Creativity and Training! Hate feeling useless and hate being disabled but it's life and I keep moving forward and trying my best cause that is all any of us can do. S. xx Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ #disabled #art #blog #disabledblogger #disabledartist #struggles #dog #dogassistance  Art images above of the project I'm working on. Image of Bud.

Closure is ALWAYS important:

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 I'm addressing this directly: I'll stop sharing the truth the same day I get an apology for the way I was treated. Until then I don't have closure and will continue to share MY experiences with bad behaviours. πŸ’― You don't like me sharing the facts, that's fine, I respect that but don't tell me how to cope with bad things that happen to me and I'll NEVER end up in court for harassment cause a simple lie detector test will prove my innocence and I don't harass, I state facts and I would have liked an apology instead of an onslaught of abuse. I'd love a lie detector since the CCTV to exonerate me was erased and despite legislation in place, denied to me. Period.  I never wanted to 'take down' any charity, anyone who actually knows me knows how absurd that sounds considering I've actively and always been involved with charity work and charities and was a COMPLETE stranger to those who CHOSE to be abusive!!!   Abuse is a CHOICE! Yes a STRANG

A post for all loved ones lost:

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There's unfortunately been a lot of local tragedies as of late, and I would like to take some time for us all to think of their friends and families at this difficult time. I dedicate this post to you. ❤️ Let us carry them with us as we continue our lives. ❤️ ---- Gone but never forgotten: πŸ₯€ (Poem) I light a candle It brightens up this room Like your smile did That beautiful afternoon I light a candle And I watch it dance As I remember you dancing To your favourite bands I light this candle For all those gone  Who remain in our memories Lived on by loved ones I light this candle For all the tears that were shared  For all of the pain and all of the fears And the sorry's I never said I light this candle With a heavy heart  For I wasn't quite ready For you to depart I still had aspirations I wished we had more time But most of all I light this candle,  because the blessing of your existence, ... was actually mine. I was blessed to know you, Which is why it's so hard to l

'Failing is all that can be done.'

Failing is all that can be done. (Poetry by S.W/KawaiiDollDecora) Failing is all that can be done. W hat can I say that history hasn't already died over and over again to repeatedly try and tell you?  My words fail you. They fall on deaf ears.  They're overlooked and underrated,  You tar me with the same brush as those you've hated.  There is nothing to win,  All I can do is lose. So I lose with dignity. I lose whilst sharing awareness. Shining a little light on the bad, In the hope that others aren't careless, In the hope others don't have to endure this. Because all that follows is sad. For the world doesn't have to be putrid at its roots, It doesn't have to decay with unwillingness and hatred leading the way. It could be better, It could be kind, If only one could rewind time. If only one could rewind time. It's in the news, over and over, Another person in power, another abuser, Another victim blamed and labelled a loser. Over and over the cycles rep

✨🩷 An award built on lies isn't an achievement it's a facade in disguise. 🩷✨

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 ✨🩷 An award built on lies isn't an achievement it's a facade in disguise. 🩷✨ Guess ya have to be a reet A-Hole to be appreciated in this world.. abusers and wrong uns hiding behind lies and fake reputations irk TF outta me.  If you wanna 'make the world for just one person' stop treating quite a few people like sh*t whilst ya help the rest, then make it worse and worse and worse, when you should just accept mistakes and apologise when you have been a c**t! Yes there's more than just me been targeted and wronged!  Surprise surprise behaviours do have a pattern, who knew?! It's not rocket science! ✨🩷 An award built on lies isn't an achievement it's a facade in disguise. 🩷✨ Actions always speak louder than words, I trust in karma and the universe because the level of stupidity in humanity is reaching epidemic proportions and people love to support those who harm others.  Idgaf who I peeve off with this. It's just reality.  I'm used to it, I tri

Why I'm not a narcissist:

 List at end of post: I checked myself against this list and I can see why some people misunderstand me and take me the wrong way. I'm proud of all I do because I actually enjoy helping others. I'm confident because I finally learned other people's bad behaviours are nothing to do with me, even though I fight bad mental health days and can fall into the mindset that I must deserve bad treatment... I enjoy seeing other people win and make memories and I love to support others and network and promote fellow creatives because I have a strong admiration for human creativity and use art therapy to process complex emotions and trauma myself. I have legitimately been a victim so I talk about it, why? To prevent it happening to others!!! To raise awareness! To speak UP about the bad that others choose to do and I never ever have any intentions of upsetting or harming anyone, ever. It's just not me. I focus on improving myself and facing my fears and flaws and learning from them

Life with PTSD:

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 The real reason why anyone wrongs anyone: Some people can't help themselves: I accept that when people hurt others, or target me, they just can't help themselves, so you should too. Blaming anyone for any trauma or abuse they've endured because you're upset at something they said (most likely taken the wrong way) is not at all how to handle any situation. Some of us accept we're flawed and want to acknowledge any mistakes to make sure we're seen for the people we ACTUALLY are as opposed to whatever others want to assume we are. I realised this morning I got triggered by something someone who believes I'd wronged them in some way, said. I got triggered because when I was abused or wronged by others, I analysed and blamed myself for a long time, them saying I'm toxic and therefore deserved the sexual and physical abuse and the physical abuse in hospital is completely wrong and uncalled for. I'm so sorry I have seemed to have upset you but I assure you