Trying to trust hospitals again...
Just had my pain clinic appointment and I'm being referred to the hospital pain management teams as I've already been on everything and I'm doing my best and using alternative medicine to better my life.
If there's nothing new that can help me (as I've been on everything) then they may be able to assist with a letter to confirm and explain that the only reason I'm mobilising as I am and my rehabilitation is going well is because of cannabinoids and I have legal vapes for work for now (🤞🏼✨ I get the job) but if they want to do a drug test, my cannabis use for pain management will show even though I only use it to be able to get to the same or as close to the same levels as abled bodied people, in being able to live my life.
It's not recreational it's a necessity, and doesn't impact my cognitive function or abilities, if anything it keeps the pain at a tolerable level so I can focus on getting things done and better my life.
Despite that being the facts I am still worried it could jeopardise job opportunities. Which is something that I don't want because I've worked very hard and suffered so much to get to this point.
That isn't even the case, because it's more useful than fentanyl and pregabalin and gabapentin and oxy and entinox, and oramorph and amitriptyline and duloxetine and propranolol and co codamol and tramadol etc ... etc...
I can't help how the world chooses to penalise or stigmatise the disabled and that's nothing whatsoever to do with me. I will always try and raise awareness on invisible conditions and get people to see how their behaviour and naivety is careless and abusive when they target people in such ways.
I can only do what's best for me to not be in such agony that I'm suicidal and useless and I won't apologise ever for doing something that's right for me and my genuine disability.
I have back up plans if I end up overlooked due to my disability, despite my wealth of knowledge and skills, and I will never quit and will forever and always keep fighting my disability and body on the daily and always keep improving my life.
With or without the support of others.
So many people think they can diagnose with their eyes and it's just so ableist and wrong.
Disabled people can still be ableist, they're infallible humans, and usually it's to belittle someone for acting in a way they don't understand because their neurodivergent conditions are at a different part of the spectrum or they feel as a stranger they can judge, you don't know other people's disabilities, not really, you have a microscopic percentage of awareness but that's all you have.
Never ever claim to know how someone lives their life.
You can't know.
Well they can't! 💯
I won't apologise for being genuinely disabled and having been bed bound over a decade and managing to find something that helps to the point I'm out of my wheelchair, and I won't apologise for the way others lack compassion; and forgive me if I don't have time to fight the negativity and unwarranted false opinions and judgements of others, because I'm always already in a battle with my body.
Their hate is theirs and they can keep it TF away from me.
Thanks.
Hopefully if the pain clinic can assist then that would be amazing, but if they can't then at least I found something that works that I don't abuse and won't abuse and thankfully I'm not someone with an addictive personality or else I'd never have been able to stop the meds cold turkey like I did.
Either way I'm at a point where I have better boundaries to protect myself and not end up in vulnerable positions and unless doctors are willing to help I won't waste my time anymore trying to convince them to do their actual jobs.
I have a strong will and I will continue to use my willpower to drive myself to a better future.
I have back up plans and I will forever move onwards towards my goals.
If people can't support me then that's fine, but if they choose to try and obstruct me then they'll start and see that I won't let them touch me or my progress and have no problems ignoring or blocking such egotistical and malicious individuals.
I defend myself when I have to, otherwise it's not worth my time.
My life is hard enough without others trying to use stereotypes and stigma to justify abuse towards me.
That's on them, and nothing whatsoever to do with me.
S. Xx
Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷
#pain #painmanagement #painclinic #disability #invisibledisability #gettingthere #DisabledAdvocate #disabilityisnotinability #disabilityinclusion #disabilityawareness #disabilitysupport #disabled #struggles #reality #pain #illness #movingforward #kindnessmatters
Art by @rana2.0
