People never see the sacrifices, just judge on things they don't know:

 I woke up shaky and in agony and with a cold, feeling achy and heavy but other than that I'm good. 😊

I'm not gonna let me being ill ruin my mood! 

Meditation music and take it easy day! Sending love to everyone at All Disabilities Matter as I can't make the carvery with you all today. Sending so much love to you all and hope you have a fantastic meal together! ❤️ I have a mental health appointment today and my whole body is screaming at me for doing too much so I'm going to have to rest. Sometimes I forget how bad my flare ups can get in winter, but I'm thankful for the pain management I have now, so I'll get legally high to endure it and make it through!

To be honest, the cannabis has helped me with my anxiety too, more than sertraline, but I still take it, it's just nice that it can help with that as well as my bad pain condition, because I didn't even realise it could!

I'm liking the clinic I'm with and it's worth every penny because it gives me the space to think without the woodpecker of pain looming over me with doom and gloom.

Imagine pain like voices, or music, or something that annoys you that you can't switch OFF!

Well my clinic has helped me 'dim' it down, cause ya can't turn it off, and it's given me some space to be able to think and relax and tolerate it better.

So yes. 

I'm in agony.

I'm tired and weak and unwell.

But... I'm so grateful and thankful for the sacrifices and steps and struggles that have lead me to this point, because it's been a wreck of a journey but like me da says, in comparison to before, I'm doing amazingly!

To the outside world I'm a lot of things, mostly made up narratives because people want to create a narrative to be hateful, but to those who KNOW me and know what I suffer and endure, they SEE me and they see the kind and amazing and caring woman I am.

It's so nice to be SEEN. 😊✨

I feel like the rest of the world and their hate can go swivel on it, because I've got all I need, right HERE.

A roof over my head.

Tinned food and some freezer food in right now! 😊

My son and parents and close friends around me.

So yes I have a LONG way to go and to the outside world whose so quick to judge, my house is a tip, but I'm slowly making progress every day and one day, whilst working around my disability, I will have it lush and decorated and kept.

But you try living in my shoes, having days where even breathing feels like knives all around your ribs.

Let's see how much YOU can get done!

I got myself out of my wheelchair when I realised that I had to, because I can't make others OR the world care, and I can't change how others are, but with agony, sacrifices, a lot of hospital, bedbound days, I eventually turned my life around.

I did it for myself, my son and my parents mostly.

But it's allowed me to reconnect properly with my amazing boy and he's growing up to be such a wonderful gent!

He could teach some grown men a thing or two!!

Kindness and compassion costs nothing, and as we sat last night in my living room and chatted, I saw myself in him, putting himself out for his friends, being there for others, even trying to help the adults around him... My heart is so full and proud because of the man he's becoming!

He is a positive difference in this cold and calculating world. 

That's what matters at the end of the day!

How much of a positive difference you can make, in the little time you have on this earth.

Thanks for reading my blog posts.

Please be kind to those who are struggling in these colder months and don't forget to be kind to yourself too.

S. xx

Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨

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