Shop Searches, Online Discussions and Misunderstandings:

I read something today that had me totally flabbergasted, especially at the amount of comments saying that "If people are innocent it should not be an issue."

I wanted to enlighten them on how it can be an issue and that the majority of people who would have such an issue are disabled or neurodivergent individuals. Before I get to what I stated (which was still taken the wrong way by an NHS nurse who thought it was an attack) I will give you a sample of one of many reasons shops give women anxiety.

Teenage me:

I remember being really nervous about buying my own teen underwear when I was 14/15. I was in Durham and had been to Claire's accessories, whilst my friends were distracted I popped over the road to an empty lingerie shop and had a look at all the things like thongs etc that were new to me and I considered trying, the security guard was a total bulldog, hovered over me, overly creepy and then when I was about to purchase something he asked me to leave. I nearly burst out in tears and I didn't even know I was neurospicy then.

I took my £20 that was left out of what I'd worked at a shop to earn, and went back and got some more cute things from Claire's.

Security in shops is not always security, it's sometimes cruelty. Period. So they lose custom.

If it was really about theft then that bulldog of a man of ten men, would not have been so intimidated by a teenage girl barely weighing 7stone who he had seen PURCHASE things through the windows and PAY for them in Claire's.

Some people abuse their positions and it's not okay.

Alternative methods can be used, especially with CCTV and technological advantages we have today.

I think some people like the excuse to harass 'its my job' and some people like the feeling of authority over others.

Unfortunately that's all this is with Aldi and Lidl.

It solves nothing of the issues and just intimidates customers.

My response:

I responded to the post about a local Aldi and Lidl searching lots of customers, bags and pushchairs etc, with this:

I don't have anything to hide but I would not want to be searched, it would set off my anxiety and trigger me because I'm neurospicy and I walk with a stick and I'm constantly managing pain levels and I just don't have the energy to deal with that stuff, especially when people are so judgemental and hateful and things. It makes you feel victimised and judged and yes even when you're innocent and have nothing to hide.

I want to be able to go to a shop, get what I need, pay for it and just leave because even doing that is a task in itself.

People assuming that it's not an issue if you have nothing to hide are simply being ableist, and maybe they don't mean to, maybe they don't realise they are, but a lot of complex conditions from mental health to disabilities can be negatively impacted by things like this.

It's confrontational, seen as distrustful and very controlling, I demand to look at what you've brought into the shop is almost tyrant-like, big brother like and in my opinion just unnecessary.

For those of us who are also having bad days we try and get things done whilst just staying in the shadows, so we mentally prepare and then do our best, and any attention drawn to ourselves can be off-putting and cause anything from anxiety to panic attacks.

Some of us don't like a lot of eyes on us as it unnerves us.

I hope this opens people's eyes to the fact that boundaries are being breached here and we're losing our rights to personal privacy even in stores.

I understand that they wish to tackle thievery but this is just not the way to do it.

S. xoxo

Disability Advocate.

Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨

#disabilityawareness #disabilitysupport #disabilityinclusion #disabledartist #positivevibesonly #lifeishardenough

The lady seemed to be offended that the idea of her saying something like "it should not matter" which I had not even read to be fair, and she tagged me in a response, could be ableist.

So I explained how it invalidates our struggles and our reality. For a lot of people it is an issue. 

I shared her fundraiser and I hope she understands.

Being ableist isn't always an individuals fault, it's society, it's generalisations, it's stereotypes and stigmas and these are the things I really do want to break with my new book.

I want people to see things from as many of our perspectives as possible, as only awareness is the key to change. If you're not aware you're doing something that impacts someone else, how can you change it?!

Awareness is needed and that's what I shall try and deliver.

I hold no malice towards anyone, not even people who have wronged me, it hurts from time to time but you learn to live with the pain and you don't treat people like you've been treated. It's simple really.

Plus if you do make a mistake, like I did recently, you can always apologise, like I did, I replied to a lady out of hurt and I came accross like I was talking down to her. I had felt she shamed a woman for responding to a creep in a total reasonable way. 

Fact of the matter is, I realised, I corrected and I apologised. I will always face my flaws and strive to become a better individual! Life is an experience after all and we learn from everything.

None of us are perfect. We all get emotional and we respond a bit too hasty sometimes but we need to keep remembering that when we talk to people online they're STILL people.

Society has such disconnect when we're online, so many quick to insult, hate and more; and we need to remember to humanise the people we're talking to. 

It would definitely make for a better online environment, that's for sure!

Also before you hate ask for clarification!

It may simply be a misunderstanding.

@KawaiiDollDecora ♡

Signing off the blog.

#DisabilityPositive Art

Here is an image I created with wirestock:

~Beauty is being the best possible version of yourself on the inside and out.~