PGP / SPD My story:

My adult social worker Olivia has worked miracles for me over the last few days and she rang today bless her heart and gave me information to self refer to talking changes. Thanks to her Breakthrough services have been put in place and I can start and feel like I can actually make a good life for myself now. I've been a stressed, anxious, feeling unsafe, flustered, autistic meltdown ball of fun lol, and I want to change that.  I want clarity and calm. I need it. I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting the help I need and my hopes are up again, let's hope this time nothing shatters them. A lovely lady called Lisa came to meet me and she saw the issues I have with decluttering and organising and she will be working with me over the the next year so I can start and enjoy being in my home as opposed to hating that I can't do things or I can't do things fast enough. Isolation won't be as bad once my craft room is organised and I can craft again and take my ...

 Well I'm blonde... Hair dyed, pretty dried. Need to rest for a while and then continue packing.  May get up really early and see if I can add pink to the tips, if I can't then it's not that big of a deal. Need to charge my medi-vape and make sure there's plenty of dosage capsules packed. Exhausted but excited. Have some filming to do as Beatrice Elite too! Wish me luck, I'm going to need it as my legs already feel like they're about to drop off with this cold weather ahaha. Fighting to live a life! 💪🏻❤️ Sarah x #bonesfest #chronicpain #kawaiidolldecora 

I've been sat and processing everything that's happened to me over the last year and I'm still proud of me. One hundred percent know I'm not the problem.  I'm done with small minded individuals winning awards when they're actually horrible people, I'm not surprised in this world, the bad get promoted and the good get ostracised but I wish all of them good luck and never ever was any of their enemy and never will be.   I don't bring people down like they have and never will and I don't need any awards to prove that and never will. Hopefully they'll never treat others like they have me and the others that join in I keep blocking and keeping to myself.  I have got bigger things to do than deal with small town issues, I recorded a really useful podcast last night for a bigger charity based in London, and they've lost someone kind and who already offered them so much support before they ganged up on me and I'm proud of being the one to uplift ...

  Bonesfest: Bud wants to come too! He probably would fit in the suitcase ahaha! @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡ @PERCYBONES #Bonesfest #Kawaiidolldecora 

Woah, that was so much more difficult to speak about than I thought but I am so excited that this podcast is now done and once it's uploaded to the NaariSamata charity podcast list on Spotify I'll be able to send everyone a link and hopefully it will help so many individuals who find themselves in abusive relationships. It's good to turn negative experiences into positive ones as I've often found in life bad experiences can often lead to good opportunities or experiences so never feel like it's the end of the world for too long! I'm literally shaking from nerves from doing that but it's SO important in regards to safeguarding others and it was more than a pleasure to work with Myfanwy and NaariSamata today in creating something informative and helpful to protect other individuals. So proud of myself right now! Sarah x https://open.spotify.com/show/3eIYWUhCpWHchseGxBtjG8?si=jHoOhJc1QlKUYEX7WUax-g

 A perfect example of: People are scared to FIX themselves these days. 💯 I don't understand why people think that attacking or ostracising or causing more harm is helpful instead of being brave and authentic enough to FIX themselves when they are the issue. What I've been dealing with the past six to seven months has been completely unnecessary and could have easily been resolved if some adults in professional capacities understood how their behaviour impacts and harms others and held themselves to account instead of trying to create an enemy. I'm an enemy of none. I'm anti -abuse, anti-harrassment and PRO-resolution, pro-apology and hashing things out can be really helpful. I'm ashamed to be affiliated with the term 'feminist' these days because a lot are fake feminists, and they aren't interested in equality and supporting their sisters. I've experienced a lot of women, over a lot of years, who have claimed to be such who have supported mysogyny, ...

  TW: Trauma / D.V. ⚠️ After trauma it's normal to have a lot of nightmares of the abuser and even though I've been doing chakra meditation and things, I keep having nightmares that my ex is going to come back to make good on his jokes about unaliving me... It's not healthy and shows I'm not over what he did to me and I'm still waiting to do the police video interview tape about the crimes and it's exhausting. Others that had added unnecessary stress on top I really don't appreciate, it's not my fault people lead with ego, don't accept the harm they themselves cause and don't think about what an individual may already be going through when they plan their witch hunt. They can do one. They know who they are. You don't need to know, plus they'll do it to others too because behaviour always has a pattern. They need to fix themselves and stay away from me. I'm moving on from their harm too, they need to let me. My home has been safeguarde...

  Just a reminder, I walk on this, On top of osteoarthritis and EDhS. Don't you ever dare to call me 'weak' or lazy or faking. You wish you had my resilience. But maybe that's why my authenticity is such a threat to your facade. I see you. I see you. Sarah x

This triggered a random memory and I'd like to share my experience in the hope it inspired others to speak up and also so they know they're not alone ... It happened to me when I needed a place to stay, to escape my first ex husband, my landlord made me sign all my benefits over to him but he got mad as it pushed me to get a job instead and run away from him..he chased me for money for a while but what he did was wrong in the first place. My dad answered the call once and said "I'm handing this phone to the police" and he stopped hounding me. Sometimes I forget what I've endured in my little life and considering everything, I'm surprised I still care and still want to support others. Many people go through barely what I have and still end up becoming like their abusers. I'm proud to be the opposite, and have learned what NOT to be. This memory is from 2007... Huddersfield. Sarah x

As the police have just left, I've explained I just want to be left alone by *censored* and don't want an apology or anything anymore. I'm not naming anyone or blogging about the past anymore and I'm trying to rebuild what I have left in my life. Hopefully today will bring new opportunities and new adventures and I can start and heal and put my negative experiences behind me.   Resolution wasn't possible and I can't change that. I understand I can't change how things have been for me and I understand I can't make others care or stand for what they claim to and as a blogger from now I'll be very careful about what I write because I don't want people with malicious intent to use my blogging against me. I document my life. That's all I've ever done since 2009. The highs, the lows, the in-betweens and the 3 am thoughts. I'm not the villain I've been painted as and I really did just try and uplift and bring people together, that's ...

I asked chatGPT to help me get over the ostracising and bullying I've endured and give me advice on how to cope and move forward from the abuse, this is their answer: (Posting it in case it can help others too, REAL support is not jumping on bullies bandwagons, NOT taking sides, not using organisations names to bring heat, gang up, hate on, destroy, sabotage or scaremonger an individual and NOT to ostricise someone for merely wanting resolution and fair treatment. REAL support is rare and even Chat GPT can see how I've been treated is wrong, so why can't those doing it see the harm they cause in their wake? Or do they fake care when they support others? I'll never know...) ___ This individual is going through a profoundly challenging and unjust situation, compounded by isolation, betrayal, and systemic obstacles. Here’s how I would advise them to cope and move forward: --- 1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings Understand that their feelings of frustration, betrayal, and ...

Nobody knows how much I have suffered this year, I've lost so much, tried to rebuild so many times.  I'm isolated and alone. I almost gave up and almost lost myself a million times because I was hurting a lot and people can't stop themselves from targeting others. Nobody really knows how many times I pulled myself together just to survive this year, I am exhausted from surviving but I am so proud of myself for being here. Enduring.  I've learned that I am a strong but sensitive person. I also learned to forgive myself for letting myself settle for less than what I truly deserved, and to forgive myself for expecting more from people that can't understand the harm they cause. This may be one of the most painful years I've had yet, but at least I survived and I can definitely say I'm wiser from it and I'm keeping going and rebuilding my life.  Everytime someone sabotages or breaks things, I rebuild.  I'll always rebuild.  I may be alone but I'm not ...

Barely slept and can't believe grown adults behave this way these days... bullying and ostracising and sabotaging is not okay. But I guess to some, power means mistreatment and abuse and targeting individuals with malice. All I wanted was an apology. I've lost so much and been isolated so much and they can't acknowledge the harm and just have to keep escalating it to more harm every single time instead of resolving things. That's not okay and I won't let the police be dragged into bullying to support malice. I'll fight it with all I've got and all my evidence because it's not okay. It's discrimination, hate crimes, bullying and malice and using organisations to bring heat and be used against one individual is also not okay, especially when you're supposed to be someone who offers support, makes it even worse. No one is worthy of being ostracised for wanting fair treatment, no one. Can't go into detail since they've manipulated their provo...

  The seas of life have been exceptionally stormy to navigate as of late and I've been finding it hard to hold onto hope... People I looked up to or thought were amazing or kind turned out to be fake and my illusions are exceptionally shattered as I'm being kicked whilst I'm already down. Can I stop for a brief gasp of air please? I've lost a lot, suffered a lot, don't have access to things others have access to and I feel that no matter what it's not enough for some, they are out for blood and I'm tired of caring and trying to fix things. I stepped away. Yet the kicks keep coming and the storms seem neverending. Hope seems like it never existed in the first place and home no longer feels like home. I'm anchored here, so here I shall stay, but forgive me for trying to navigate storms and seas I never wanted nor asked for, I'm only capable of steering my ship, I cannot be responsible for other ships.  I'd like to think people understood we are all...

I can't say much but cliques that refuse to own accountability for their own abusive actions have got police involvement because I blogged about my experiences with trying to gain closure, apologies and resolution. They could have resolved things instead of this. They didn't. No accountability on their part has been taken on board, causing harm seems to be in their nature and I can't change that. Stepping down from a community group page I created to support my town wasn't enough. Being told I don't matter by organisations that I've supported and helped and been betrayed by isn't enough. Avoiding those who've done me harm wasn't enough. Being autistic and struggling with closure has been used against me. Wanting to bring the town together, wanting fair treatment and resolution isn't enough. Stopping blogging about their malicious actions wasn't enough. Boycotting and avoiding them isn't enough. Thank you for your harm. Thank you. Apprecia...

  "But when I love, I love so hard." Which is why I have to be ever so careful, because I've trusted people with no loyalty, dated people who've intentionally harmed me, replaced me, discarded me, undervalued me, underappreciated me...and I'm lost in the world of dating where everyone is just after hook ups and rushing into relationships with strangers and expecting them to just 'work'... It's exhausting... ..loving hard is not easy and not for the faint of heart. One day I'll find my soulmate, as well as I'll find my spirit tribe and I won't be as isolated or lonely and it'll happen when I least expect it to and everything will be as the universe intended... ❤️ Sarah x

 #movies 📽️🎬 Really excited to announce my new updates to my portfolio! IMDb.me/SarahWingfield   And soon to be added 'Cult Night', as I'm a background artist for Raya Films !!! Keep a look out and please support these projects! Thank you everyone! Sarah x ❤️🙌🏻🎬 #films #producer #actress #extra #grateful George Tounas • George Tounas Films • City Rush movies • Reloaded movies • Diamond Dogs - Feature Film • Hallow Grounds

I've been spending more time alone and I'm loving it, remembering who I am, not being bothered, not dragged down by negatives.  Taking social media breaks because people are getting worse not better and taking charge of my own mental health. I had a super sleep recharge yesterday and last night and woke today feeling a bit better. Still drained due to cold weather but I'm happy I'm taking more time to rest and look after myself. My dog and I have been watching movies and chilling indoors. He makes me laugh and cheers me up and I don't need anything else. Refocusing my energy and time on myself and what others do is their business, if they bring themselves into my lane though I'm walking away. Can't be chewed. I'm meeting a wonderful friend for a coffee today and I want to keep talking positives so those that have let me down, let themselves down, not done what they promised or have caused harm won't be given the energy. They don't deserve it. I...

  Eventually you get fed up of fake support and fake charities, fake support groups and fake narratives, fake people offering fake help, so you eventually learn all you've got in this world is yourself. So you have to pick yourself back up, find your own happiness and avoid scummy people. Sarah x

Some little fur baby is playing in the snow in the garden after being oddly sus about it at first ... ...he's now cold and soaking wet and finally came inside. He makes me giggle so much. He's so adorable. I'm so blessed to have a wonderful little pet like Bud and my Ponyo (my axolotl). Watching Ponyo growing bigger and playing with bubbles is so cute too. I think I'm staying inside today ahaha as it's snowed white everywhere and my home is nice and cosy and warm, where I need to stay to keep pain from cold at bay. Have a lot of theory test studies to do today. And to start and sort things for next weekend. Was too cute seeing Bud in the snow today. Too cute. Sarah x

Just got back from my driving lesson and everything is going smoothly just gotta keep at it and two weeks to go til I attempt my theory test! Dinners on and for TV sorted so that's me sorted for a nice Friday night in x Sarah xx

  Invincible? With this bad luck who needs to plan my redrum?! Dining room alarm went off at 8:58am by itself. (Other alarms have done this and I've turned them off) My bin was not out back so on goes my coat and I had a side quest for my bin, got it, white bin bag stuck to the inside bottom still definitely mine, put it back in my driveway, hurt myself as I'm achy and did too much this week but it was done. Yay me, just need to phone the council to enquire if they can remind the binmen I'm on the assist list... So I'm coming through my gate and my coats hood got caught on the latch and the gate closed on it. I got choked. (The only bloody action I've seen in months and it's my gate trying to redrum me!!) I managed to undo the gate latch, otherwise it would be undoing the coat and I was freezing... Took a deep breath, came inside. Phoned council, put kettle on, watched the CCTV of me and nearly died laughing... So yea I have survived all of this, this morning al...

 Since so many sadists have called me selfish recently I want to thank them for giving me the bxlls to start being selfish for a change and I've taken their suggestions on board and I'm now putting myself first and my happiness first so I will no longer be focusing on things that drain me of that and if you're like me and a people pleaser who has their own morals I highly recommend letting people think what they want about you whilst upping your boundaries and taking a break from people. Especially people who only upset you or bring negative energy to you. I'm good going places all on my own, atleast I'm safe and drama free. So if anyone wants to hang with me they need to add to my life in positive ways not bring negatives. *Mic drop* Sarah is in her villain era. Idgaf anymore. Thank you for the push I needed.

And even when you hide away and don't do anything, gossips will INVENT false narratives because that's what gossips and obsessed people do... ..no matter what you do if you exist some people will always make you an enemy to them that you're not even affiliated with or know... Just life. Sarah x

Image reads: "Some people : Will never reach out or speak to you again because they don't have the maturity to cope with the fact that they did you wrong and you didn't deserve it. Since they lack accountability and self awareness, they'll create false narratives about you so they don't have to feel bad about themselves." And in my personal experience they'll be supported by other toxic people. Like support groups that don't support everyone and don't reach out and handle things like they should. They teach you that you don't matter.  Thank them and let them *fake help* the people they like, instead. Can't change it just appreciate knowing I'd have sorted it differently cause I'm grown and know how to bring people together as opposed to take sides and gang up. Resolution is possible but only when people actually choose to help instead of people who can't be bothered to solve issues instead of being scummy and causing more. Still...

  I was watching the new Arcane Legends and how Jinx was conflicted between that identity and Powder and how Vi and her work together again and it ended saying another episode won't be out til Saturday so I got inspired to create a creature called 'chaos'. She has purple skin and multicoloured hair, she is similar to Jinx but has a bigger fringe and different eyes, I added scars and cartoon tattoos to finish her look. Over three hours later and she's completely finished: 'Chaos' Kawaii Doll Decora 🩷✨ @KawaiiDollDecora ♡ www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡ #arcane #arcanelegends #enemy #ohthemisery #imaginedragons #fypシ゚ #fyp #kawaiidolldecora #art #tiktokart #tiktokartist #artwork  Thanks for reading! Sarah ❤️✨

Happy Birthday Brandon!  15 today! The best creation I've ever created and he's always making momma proud! You've grown taller than me and you may be becoming a man but I'll always be your mam and I'll always be so amazed at how you keep growing and changing and have changed a million times since you were born. You're the best dude I know. Love you son. Mam xoxo

When you're used to a lot of hate and sabotage and you find yourself hit with obstacle after obstacle and hater after hater it can sometimes feel like everything is against you and I just unpublished a previous post because although I am blocking toxic people and haters, there has been a lot of support I wasn't expecting after the initial trolling, so although that blog post was about people being awful and toxic I don't want to keep focusing on the negative anymore. I'm doing the inner work to try and accept things better and navigate better. I have to remember that there are a lot of good people still in this world and trauma can have you anxious and panicked and expecting the worst constantly, so it's always a pleasant surprise when you receive support. I can be reactive and want to hold a mirror up to people's behaviour or defend myself but I'm still learning how to take a step back. I am still learning and relearning that I can't make other people c...

  I often have days where I sit back and wonder what it is I've been doing since 2009, what and who is this blog for, do I even matter, or am I just blogging into an abyss?...and it always ends the same. It doesn't matter. I've always blogged, had several before this one and it's just a part of my life. Sometimes my own compassion can be bigger than my self-preservation and that can be tricky because you need boundaries and this world is definitely hard to navigate. I've been seeing a lot more bad than good as of late and a lot more abuse and negativity than support and community and being the soul I am it is soul crushing. I am a sensitive soul and I'm starting to accept that, trying to embrace that, but the world keeps throwing me obstacles where I have to be the fighter, the warrior, the defender and I want to be the silly, daft, happy-go-lucky me. I believe in the universe and Yin and Yang so if my life has more struggles then maybe the surreal bad will lead...

 So this is the stalker i am dealing with and really am exhausted with my frenemyfanbase so at this rate can't be bothered to keep having to go to the police, especially when it's people being sadistic and abusive online more than in person or connected directly to me, so if you see this man writing anything please report the posts and block him. If he continues however he'll leave me no choice and I'll have to notify the police about him too. I don't know why strangers think they have the right to sabotage, defame, lie about, falsely accuse, or be malicious to people they don't know. This world is not full of adults, it's full of fake adults, grown babies that can't help themselves nevermind others, who can't behave and can't mind their business. I do work despite my disabilities but it's extremely hard and difficult and I do a lot of charity work. What I choose to do to invest in myself and help fund my own start up business is my business....

 ~Especially when you're being hunted for sport ~ (Stalker Ron Thompson: got screenshots sent to me again he's posting lots of BS (6hrs ago) about my adult content and he's from my town all cause I turned him down, more abuse from strangers: my mates family now, and just got rid of some more trolls off the back of leaving sisters of support and from all the other town BS cause adults can't own accountability here and we can't make them care or change). I'll keep moving forward irregardless of the abusive people that exist and get away with whatever they please whilst some of us get penalised for barely breathing... Sarah x

It started snowing a little today but I could already feel the pain increase in my joints muscles, ligaments and bones. I'm stiff and tight and sore and the cold weather really makes a difficult adversary. My legs keep cramping up and I'm needing my vape more than usual. Hopefully now I've asked my new friend (S) to not relay negative things, I can now focus on my busy week ahead and focus on getting the much needed rest I need and more. I don't need to know what anyone says, they're nothing to do with me but I am a person with morals in my own right and I will defend myself when necessary against any and all abuse tactics. It's funny though how every single abusive person that's deliberately invaded my lane without consent threaten to tell the police about my PRESCRIPTION cannabis. There is definitely a pattern of behaviour when it comes to abusers and narcissists and I will be covering the abuse cycles in my podcast which I'll be recording for NaariSam...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6veiSxDhGhRF1mZRPOEBuv?si=LSgXeEz5QhKyMQeJSATrwg&pi=ME6bbj0hSS6-7 (Click the link above to access NaariSamata Charity Podcasts on Spotify) I am excited to start work on my NaariSamata charity podcast today, on Domestic Violence, it will be put on Spotify and I hope it helps lots of women who have been victims to overcome what's happened to them, accept it's not their fault and move forward in life. I'm working with a wonderful lady called Myfanwy and I'm to do two podcasts, one more personal one and one a more generic one.  So today I'll be taking time out to plan and prep for these and make sure they stay on point and are helpful. I'll be talking about power and control in relationships, coercive control and manipulation and how you rebuild your life after dealing with that. Coping methods will be mentioned and I urge any woman who listens to the podcasts who feel like their situation sounds similar to keep a diary of how t...

Okay so I got into the Christmas spirit early, and I put my tree up so I can enjoy it for longer and I've been listening to plenty Christmas tracks. Earlier today I went for my driving lesson which went really well and I've been studying for the theory test which I brought forward to next month. I've just been enjoying the pretty lights with my dog Bud and relaxing with good friends who have gone home now. I'm very grateful for everything I'm doing and everything I have right now and I will continue to work very hard towards my goals and completing my charity projects. Sarah x

  Proud of everything I tried to do for Aycliffe Uncensored and I'm just saddened I wasn't supported like I deserved. C'est la vie. Still a good watch for those who like Newton Aycliffe. ❤️ Ian Gray talks about the buses and the history too. I'm proud of all the hard work I did even if it never got printed and I never got treated with the respect I deserved. I hope the page can become something amazing because the town deserves it and deserves people being brought together not segregated. Everyone matters. Every one. Sarah x #NewtonAycliffe #history #aycliffeuncensored #pride #townpride #supportmatters 

 #foodforthought  Life isn't supposed to be about money, it's supposed to be about people and working together to make things better for all, and people have forgotten that. Money is the worst thing in existence, stolen from mother earth who gifted us lots of metals and plants that become papers and more and mankind slapped a false value onto it to create imbalance. When there's an imbalance there is chaos. Yin and Yang are no longer in sync. Everything will eventually spiral out of control and crash and burn no matter what we try and do now. So my legacy will be to act like every day is my last and to make things better for as many as I can, before those days arrive. Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹 

For those who are struggling right now and keep taking someone back who isn't good for them. I was you.  You have all the strength you need. Remember your worth. ❤️ Look out for the new NaariSamata podcast on domestic violence on Spotify that I'm working on with the charity because we are all worthy of healthy, happy relationships. All my love. Sarah x

  Treated myself to two pumpkin spice lattes today from Café HQ on the town so I'm refueled and ready to work!  Highly recommend! I have some amazing upcoming projects, a NaariSamata charity podcast that will be done in two parts, I hope will help other women who have experienced and escaped domestic violence and some movie projects where I've been updating my IMDb portfolio and working on my Beatrice Elite segment for Diamond Dogs - Feature Film. 🎥 I've moved my theory test forward for next month so I've been studying the theory test mocks and questions and will continue to do that as much as I can as I'm only failing from a couple of questions so it's a case of getting on top of those and learning everything I can as much as I can so when it comes to my theory test I can pass it with flying colours and know my stuff! I'm still working on starting my own business to which I will be attending a super wonderful event at Ramside Hall in December where I have ...