When you're used to...
When you're used to a lot of hate and sabotage and you find yourself hit with obstacle after obstacle and hater after hater it can sometimes feel like everything is against you and I just unpublished a previous post because although I am blocking toxic people and haters, there has been a lot of support I wasn't expecting after the initial trolling, so although that blog post was about people being awful and toxic I don't want to keep focusing on the negative anymore.
I'm doing the inner work to try and accept things better and navigate better. I have to remember that there are a lot of good people still in this world and trauma can have you anxious and panicked and expecting the worst constantly, so it's always a pleasant surprise when you receive support.
I can be reactive and want to hold a mirror up to people's behaviour or defend myself but I'm still learning how to take a step back. I am still learning and relearning that I can't make other people care or get them to understand how harmful their behaviour is. Most know already and that's why they do it.
Even though I'm an adult, my neurospicy mind has always made things harder for me and I'm not wired the same nor do I think like others do.
I don't often know what the best way to deal with something is because sometimes I've ignored it and it's got worse and other times I've addressed it and it's got worse and there doesn't seem to be a right or wrong way, even though every different person you meet will tell you to do things and in all honesty they don't even know either ahaha.
I'm focusing on holding back more and I have a lot more self-work ahead of me but I'm focusing on blocking negatives out of my life and social media life and focusing on my goals.
I did my best with a community group page and that's all I can do and it's still a hellova lot more than those sitting on their phones laugh reacting or being trolls, ever did.
I'm done matching energy or trying to hold people to account. Instead I'm focusing on better coping methods and trying to handle things better and surround myself with sincere and kinder people.
I have a lot of charity work to do and still have a lot more good to achieve and I need to focus on that more.
I'm grateful and thankful that people haven't been as unkind as I expected and I still love my hometown even though there was some uncertainty recently as it didn't feel like home for a little while there.
I'm doing all I can and keep uplifting others and supporting others in a world where too many do the opposite and that's enough for me.
I'm proud of me.
Sarah.🥹🌹
