Reality check:

I've dusted myself off, gave myself a good shake, rattled my head and decided what I need to do from now on.

I broke yesterday and I am thankful for my family and friends who turned a really bad mental health day into a cheer up Sarah day and it meant the world 🌎 to me.

I won't be using social media as much because people are ruining absolutely everything and can't mind their business with things they should and I'm focusing on my goals.

I wondered if my town could get anymore toxic yesterday and I got my answer, yes, as a random bloke that mistook my solo adult content as an opportunity to ask me for paid relations who I turned down of course, chose to plaster my OF everywhere online and blame me for taxes. 😅 I don't know, people are strange?! Not gonna lie, that nonsensical hate had me in stitches, that's the hate I can laugh off. That's the hate that entertains.

But this serious hate off the back of people that represent organisations (albeit they're not doing it right and misusing their organisations names) is something y'all need your heads fixing on. I can't sort you out for you, only you can, you're responsible for how you behave and how you use your named organisations against people so yea, fix it cause I can't. Thanks for the additional stress and abuse though at a time I was struggling and down. Appreciate the life lesson.

People need to realise when they involve their organisations against ANY individual they're INVITING trolls and bullies TOWARDS that individual. So thank you for that.

Thank you for the break down yesterday, I am still learning in life and I now know my town isn't home for me anymore.

Noted.

However, I have NOT killed anyone by asking for an apology so people need to reign in their bs and hate and trolling (as it's at a level now that only a murderer would deserve) and stop inviting more negativity and problems into my lane instead of OFFERING solutions and resolution.

I'm a problem solver and that's all I've ever been and if I see any problems I want them addressed and fixed however the cliques in my town have made that impossible and I stepped down from Aycliffe Uncensored yesterday which one of my exes exes found hilarious, I see you. I know the people who laugh at me stepping down are my obsessive haters, most who have already spread a lot of hate online and directly to me so laugh away beautifuls. Laugh away. 🙌🏻❤️

I'll have the last laugh yet because you've lost the support of someone who was trying to build and bring people together, you thrive on tearing people apart and making things worse for others so I laugh last because I will never be anything like you, and I thank gawd for that every single day. Blessed are some of us that will never walk a walk that causes harm to others. 🥀

I get destroyed and I cry it out and break down, but I sought help this time and I am facing my personal battles as a woman with support from Harbour and the Crisis Team and I will come back stronger. I don't need your organisations that you use against people instead of helping sit them down with the person they have a problem WITH and resolving it. Talking things out help, apologies help but you prevent that when you defend the poor behaviour and you help them lack accountability for their harmful actions. Noted.

What people don't realise is I was sacrificing my time and energy and a hellova lot of it daily dedicating all of me to my town, to help people, now I'll be investing that time and energy on myself and my careers.

Thank you for pushing me to put myself first.

With all the misguided hate and lies about me being selfish and only talk about me blah blah blah because my hard work is NEVER printed nor acknowledged to correct the false narratives I am ironically starting to focus on myself now.

I don't have to be acknowledged because those I've helped KNOW. They matter. 🙌🏻

On the other hand I want to say a HUGE #thankyou to those of you who've reached out to me yesterday and checked in and cared. Thank you for helping me feel less alone and lost in a world I will never understand. Ironically most of you moved out of my hometown and now have happier lives and maybe that is something I can consider for the future but right now I have no choice but to stay where I am and I will rebuild from here.

If people still want help I'm always here and always will be so just drop me a message or Insectio Lad can refer you to me if he sees you in Aycliffe Uncensored in need of an independent disability advocate.

All people matter to me. All. Not just the ones I like, not just the ones that are good to me or I benefit from. ALL.

I am proud of that and being different.

No matter how people want to 'feel' about me, they don't know me and haven't been able to be told about the hard work I do because I'm not supported by my town. No matter what you tell yourselves to convince yourself you have superiority to spread negativity, the facts remain the same. 

Fix YOU.

I fix me when I'm the issue and that's why I'm changing things now. Getting a lot of hate for wanting the right things to happen is not something I condone or I'm willing to tolerate. I was shocked when organisations got brought into things again but maybe I needed that shock to be able to step back and now I have the time and energy to build up my life.

I'm working on some movies right now, and my supporters can see that at IMDb.me/SarahWingfield. 

I do footage for musicians and events and that's what will be happening on my channels from now.

I'm done trying to fix things that can't be fixed in a place that won't make space for me or offer me a safe space as initially promised. Thank you for the hard lessons because they can become blessings and I'm learning to drive and getting my life back.

I have books to write and a house to sort too!

I'm going to leave you with something deep and accurate to self reflect with:

~Hate never saved anyone, but it's killed plenty.~

Make sure you don't become part of the problem and instead choose to be part of the solution.

Sarah Wingfield Author 🌹