Writing/Blogging and Sensitivity:

 

I often have days where I sit back and wonder what it is I've been doing since 2009, what and who is this blog for, do I even matter, or am I just blogging into an abyss?...and it always ends the same.

It doesn't matter.

I've always blogged, had several before this one and it's just a part of my life.

Sometimes my own compassion can be bigger than my self-preservation and that can be tricky because you need boundaries and this world is definitely hard to navigate.

I've been seeing a lot more bad than good as of late and a lot more abuse and negativity than support and community and being the soul I am it is soul crushing.

I am a sensitive soul and I'm starting to accept that, trying to embrace that, but the world keeps throwing me obstacles where I have to be the fighter, the warrior, the defender and I want to be the silly, daft, happy-go-lucky me.

I believe in the universe and Yin and Yang so if my life has more struggles then maybe the surreal bad will lead to more surreal good as it has to balance out...

Atleast I hope there's a reason, because without one it would be a pretty hard pill to swallow that the world is just 'like this' and I keep moving forward, through my tears, fears, struggles and hardships irregardless.

I have a busy week on and I'm focusing on what is within my control and atleast I support and help others and try my best whilst plenty sit on their butts antagonising, abusing and judging.

The haters have nothing on me because they couldn't do half of what I do and don't have the determination I have to do what it takes to keep going even when life is hardest on you.

I'm single, I've backed out of a lot of community work due to haters and trolls and I've retreated into my own little lane and people still can't help themselves. They can't behave and I have to keep reporting them or notifying the police and I have enough on my plate with my own life and goals to have to spend my time dealing with unwanted abuse.

I'm trying to pick myself back up and continue on and those that actually know me, know that although I struggle I always look out for others and will always do my best to help even if sometimes the help gets twisted into false accusations and manipulated to invalidate me.

I can't be that big of a THREAT to others surely and I'm definitely not THAT interesting.

Oh well.

It is what it is, just gotta keep moving forward and I have my son's birthday to focus on tomorrow.

I know I'm not the only one dealing with adult-babies and sadists and I want you to know I see you and you matter and together we will all get through this because it's easy to hate and judge and hate never solved anything, it's harder to do what we do day in and day out and still believe in a world that's so hostile and ugly.

That's hard. Yet we rock at it. ✨

Hope you have the best night.

All my love, 

Signing off and switching off for the night.

Sarah ❤️ xo