Trying not to overthink, a rant:

 

I'm trying to get out of my head and I'll just stop going to Clubs and local events because the organisations and organisers are making it impossible for me to feel safe, boycotting, ostracising and bullying is not ok.

I work super hard and don't stop, and support people all the time, I'm upfront and direct with communication and people break their promises and are sneaky sneaky and I'm tired of it.

Maybe that's why the universe has me doing movie work and becoming a music artist now so I can leave the egotistical and powermad that abuse their power behind.

It's hard when you're autistic and have RSD.

It's hard when people are told not to speak to you or involve you and charities and community organisations follow in suit as asked. Join in even, don't remain impartial, take sides unfairly, belittle, dehumanise.

I'm glad I now have a partner outside of this town so I have a safe haven to escape to away from it.

I'm spending more money and time outside of my hometown now because they don't appreciate good people. They hurt them and play the victim. They lie to the police and play the victim.

If I say anything I'm threatened and the policing system is abused and misused to silence me because no one is allowed to find out what they're really doing and saying behind closed doors and aren't allowed to find out about the organisation members that step away from the toxicity and bullying.

What have I supposed to have done so wrong to warrant such a tirade of hate and such an abuse of power? It's abhorrent.

All I've ever done and always will do is share posts, uplift people, be a safe space and offer suggestive advice and logical solutions to problems like the bus stop seating in the train station bus stops and all the charity and community work I did with my page Aycliffe Uncensored before it became an Attack-Sarah-Fest.

I'm going to Ayclive in July and the Ayclive page hasn't joined in thankfully, yet, but others still are joining in and ostracising and cutting me out of access to things because they were told to by the people who filed a false community protection notice against me. I'm tired.

I'm one person, do they really need to keep sabotaging and ostracising and ganging up on me and misusing police services against me?

I've avoided so many places already and now I have to avoid even more.

I am pushed out I get it.

I'm being targeted because I'm not allowed to be upset at being mistreated and because I was ignored I wrote about it instead.

I'm not allowed to react but they're allowed to continue to be ostracising and isolating?

Make it make sense.

I've not got out of my home, being bedbound over a decade, worked hard to be able to walk on a broken and dislocated pelvis to be treated like THIS!

Have I been arrested for naming those who filed the false community protection notice, no, because the community protection notice had no ombudsman information, was false and claimed harm to people I've never even spoken to, was unsigned and I was told by a female police officer I'm not allowed to appeal it.

In law real community protection notices have 21 days to be appealed, are signed and dated and a timeframe of the requests are outlined and the ombudsman information is provided and it's based on fact not false narratives.

Mine had none of the above. It's not even a legal document. Scaremongering is not okay.

I blog because it's the only place I'm heard.

I blog because it gives others a voice in the face of struggles too.

I blog to inspire people to never lose track of their worth irregardless of how society and the world tries to make them feel worthless.

I blog to stay sane.

I have a really good job opportunity tomorrow and I'm rebuilding my life and I'm staying away from problematic individuals but I don't understand why that's not good enough.

Why I have to continue to be ostracised and pushed out of having access to places and organisations on my town that allege they are good for mental health and help people.

Then what do they call what they are doing to me?

I am allowed to be upset in the face of abuse and I am allowed to speak about it, I never defame or sabotage and merely only sought resolution and a place I could feel I belong.

Instead I've been told I don't belong.

Message received loud and clear but I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future so I'll just take my CUSTOM elsewhere.

I'll continue working on my music and getting it streamed and continue working in the movie industry and continue doing charity work for bigger charities and bigger organisations than all the ones that hate me so much put together.

You're pushing me out but you're pushing me into bigger and better things that's getting me noticed in bigger and better ways and this could eventually lead to my escape of this town.

I used to love the town and I still do, but I hate how it's been used and abused to mistreat and silence instead of doing what the people and organisations claim to do.

Fake snakes in sheep's clothing.

I wanted to share the Valentine event post because I was excited about maybe attending at the Big Club, but I can't now, their ostracising has left a bitter taste in my mouth on the back of my RSD. For those that don't know that's Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria that a lot of us neurospicy individuals have.

It hurts like hell.

We never feel good enough.

I was always good enough because I've never once asked anyone to boycott anything or anyone, I've never lied to the police, and I've never told anyone not to talk to anyone, especially if and when I was in a position of authority and power.

I AM BETTER.

That's why you're trying to silence and push me out so much, my authenticity and genuine morals and doing right by people whether validated or not is a threat to your facade.

I will be human, I will cry, I will be hurt but I'll pick myself up and work harder and faster and stronger than ever before, especially to ensure I become NOTHING LIKE YOU.

I have bigger opportunities coming my way and even if I didn't, I'd still be better by a mile because I don't thrive on being malicious, I'm a problem solver, a free thinker.

Someone who has a Myers Briggs personality that makes up only 1-2% of the whole worldwide population.

I'm rare.

But most of all, I'm proud I feel so much that bad actions hurt me so much, because I feel the good all the more too.

I am rare and I won't quit and I will fight for the rights of the disabled properly, I'll advocate for mental health without bullying or impacting anothers badly, and I'll action positive change because it's needed, not for a materialistic award or newspaper article.

I only ever wanted the articles to help raise awareness to action positive change, we are NOT the same.

I'm used to not having validation and used to having the opposite because I am different and I am rare and I can't be bought or controlled or puppeteered.

I am exhausted. So tired of hate.

Is this all you really know? Do you really only pretend to help others because it's beneficial to you? Or you can get praise?

Not my problem.

Not anymore.

I have goals and once I'm sorted financially I'm moving away from this town and taking my morals and skills and abilities with me.

I haven't sacrificed and become highly educated to sit back and be ostracised and bullied, I have bigger things to do and positive change to action.

Yes I am human and yes this is a rant but I'm frustrated and quite rightly so.

Actions have consequences so don't hate me for my reaction, hate those that caused the issues for me to react to in the first place.

Only then will you start and wake up to the facts and be more self aware and able to think for yourself.

Never let anyone recruit you into hate campaigns or do their dirty work for them, you're better than that and they don't want you to know or think that so they can use you and control you and get you to ostracise people like me.

Stop being a puppet.

Here's some scissors ✂️ cut those strings.

I believe in you. 🔥

Sarah Wingfield.

Lovelies: They'll never see it cause they refuse to, it's not you. Stop wasting your time with biased people. Xx