Stay safe, healing isn't linear:

Since stepping away and staying away from people and places that don't understand me, don't appreciate me, don't care about me and make things worse for me, I've been more lonely but I've been safe.

My healing journey is still continuing and I have a long hard road ahead of me but knowing that I've not wronged others how I have been wronged keeps me feeling happier and able to cheer myself up on days I have low self worth.

I used to try and prove my worth to people, try and get them to realise who and how I actually am, as opposed to the false narratives they chose to assume I am but it's a waste of time, energy and a waste of breath.

I am not responsible for the nasty choices of others and I never will be. Their choices are theirs alone even if they can't acknowledge the harm they caused and especially even if they justify it.

I am no longer in a relationship that's trauma bonded and no longer around someone who joked about killing me, I am no longer trying to seek support from people and places that never made me feel worthy of support at the same time constantly helping others see their worth, it drags you down. You think WHY me?

Why can't they want to actually help me too?

Stop asking why and start asking WHAT.

What can I DO to help myself, what can I do to change things for the better, and one thing you can do is stay away and keep away from people who make you question your self worth and hate on yourself. Stay away from people and places that offer others support so easily but refuse to be supportive of you.

Create your own safe spaces and be an example for others, be who you want to see more of in the world. Show others how they can support others authentically.

Once you ask yourself what you can do about something you start problem solving and learning to advocate for yourself!

This is important, learning to speak up for yourself and your rights isn't easy at first, especially when met with hostilities and people who simply can't see you for the person you are, but don't quit.

See what happens when you choose to not quit.

I'm somewhere in my life now I never ever thought I'd ever be and I want to inspire other disabled individuals and encourage people to SEE THEIR WORTH and stop accepting less than they deserve.

I'm an advocate for fair treatment for ALL.

I'm proud of that.

Abusive people are so good at manipulating the narrative and have you apologising for things they did to you, they're so good at playing on your compassion and self awareness to have you feeling guilty about things they chose to do instead.

Sometimes peace means loneliness, but since I stepped into my peaceful era, life has surprised me no end!

I now have a wonderful partner I never thought I would ever have, family and friends that accept my weird and quirky little ways, a better understanding of how I'm wired and who I am as I'm neurospicy and a small but safe support network, so when I struggle I don't end up spiralling and I'm actually helped.

That's all I ever wanted, a place to belong.

Belonging is a song I wrote when I was sixteen and recorded in Holland at 19 and it cements that.

I finally feel like I'm starting to find my real spirit tribe and I've not had any autistic meltdowns since I got some manipulative voice clips and messages from a woman who chose to wrong me and blame me for them lying to the police.

I am not responsible for the choices of others.

I cried my eyes out, punched my sofa and wanted to help her so much because she discussed DV issues, but she is not my responsibility and not my problem and she is incapable of acknowledging how her choices have been detrimental and harmful to me and I can't change that.

I am proud of how far I've come and my emotional regulation, I am proud of the person I am becoming and the man I'm with bringing out the best version of me.

I am on a movie set this week, albeit a small section, I got the call sheet via an email and I've been matched to a child in the care system via my independent visitor position and everything I've worked hard towards has been worth it.

I make a positive difference and I want to continue doing that.

I do it without acknowledgement or validation or awards, I do it because it's necessary, and important to me.

I will always try my best and always see what will happen if I don't quit, and trust me between bad chronic pain flare ups and isolation and loneliness I've had my fair share of self doubt and self hate.

I've overcome a lot.

I'm proud of that.

Remember:

Only abusers claim their victims deserved it.

Only abusers tell you not to talk to (enter individual (s) here).

Only abusers don't apologise.

Only abusers justify abuse.

Only abusers gaslight, manipulate and deflect.

Only abusers don't hold themselves to account.

Only abusers hide behind good deeds and deflect.

Only abusers sabotage.

Only abusers isolate, ostracise, exclude and make spaces unsafe for others.

Only abusers don't remain impartial.

Only abusers justify their abuse or lying.

Stay safe, stay sane, stay away from them and in your own lane.

You are the best protection FOR you and if someone is disrespectful or incapable of being a support to you, you don't need that in your life or your lane.

Sarah Wingfield xo

#healing #support #safety #life #choices #perspective #abuse #thisisme #positivevibes