Bad pain, sabotage and heartlessness:
"My mom once told me, "Be careful what you hear about a female. Rumours either come from a male that can't have her (or in my experience control her*) or a female that can't compete with her."
*The bit in brackets I added from personal experience*
I did a lot yesterday and I wish people understood, today I feel like I've been swimming against my will ALL night knowing if I stop I'll drown, my body did a week of work in a few hours and I could have slept through today and tomorrow, and even more days.
I forced and dragged myself out of bed and it felt like I'm ten men with the weight and pain and bruising and cramps in all my muscles and chest.
Unfortunately I have volunteering today (it's just befriending thankfully but I still need energy to process everything and listen and speak) and the rest of the heaps of housework to declutter and work through now all over my hallway, and my body is trying to start the 'shakes' and I can't be chewed tbh.
I've pushed myself too far yesterday and I need to finish my studies after volunteering so the decluttering may just have to wait until Monday now if I can't find some energy to deal with it.
This is why we listen to our bodies and have to pace ourselves because we are legitimately unwell when we force ourselves.
This is why we shouldn't be putting others first only to get a hellova lot of hassle and abuse and why I stay in my own lane cause it's not me that's the crazy one or the problem it's people who are incapable of giving a shii about anyone BUT themselves and don't care how much harm or hurt they put others through.
We neurospicy HATE DRAMA and no matter how much you repeat fake narratives or gossip that ain't true it doesn't make it true and it will NEVER MAKE US WHO YOU WANT TO CHOOSE TO THINK WE ARE, we are who WE ACTUALLY ARE whether you choose to believe that or not, but it's easier to use fake and false HATEFUL GOSSIP AND NARRATIVES to GET AWAY WITH YOUR OWN ABUSE against someone THAN ACTUALLY TAKE THEM AT FACE VALUE AND learn who they REALLY are!
We can't be chewed with people being a Hitler to us or aggressive because it takes away energy WE NEED!!!
Other people keep ruining and trying to sabotage my goals, even when I'm the one being THOUGHTFUL so everyone whose SHOWN ME WHO THEY REALLY ARE CAN F OFF and leave me TF alone because I am actually making something of MY life and doing things to change things for ALL people on my town and I REFUSE TO LET ABUSIVE IDIOTS WHO ARE TOO GULLIBLE TO REALISE FACTS ruin things for me anymore.
I'm a person too and if you can't see me as a person then the PROBLEM LIES WITH YOU.
I will struggle through and try and drink lots of coffee and have pain management but all other plans this week for socialising and breaks are now out of the window.
This should not have been the case and I should not have to deal with the low energy levels and pain of having to handle grown adults being abusive for NO reason and then trying to convince the WORLD that I deserved it.
In a world where I COULD be a monster and therefore COULD have deserved it doesn't mean them being ABUSIVE IS OK.
It's not ok.
It's bloody ridiculous.
And I'm having to pick up the pieces because they won't educate themselves or get to know people and don't care how much damage they inflict on others or sabotage people's goals.
I'm dealing with shakes and seizing up and I will likely be crying a lot this week but I need to get these studies done so unless people are contributing or helping I need to be alone and focused this week.
I have no energy or time anymore to waste trying to be there for people when they are only keen to be abusive and threatening to me and then lie and say I was the one that did that.
It's too exhausting man.
Leave me alone.
Sarah.
