Trying to understand abuse:

I've been trying to get my head around the abuse I've been faced with lately and processing everything and I think it boils down to a couple of things.

Control, ego and false narratives, and the fact I see through people and won't pretend they're something they aren't, hence I've avoided the worst of them.

Refused one neighbours multiple friend requests after she showed me who SHE was and keep blocking her profiles and her stalking ex's profiles (who keeps popping up now and then totally obsessed with me in the past.)

Is that why you don't like me girl? He liked my raunchy pics on Facebook while dating you? Was that why you treated the fight the neighbour started the other day like a disco? Prancing up and down the street with the smug look on ya face like a party was happening? Meh I don't care why just stay tf away and I've blocked your new profiles.

I did AT THE TIME ask my narc ex to have words with him (as they were friends) when you two were together cause I didn't appreciate him belittling YOU by liking my raunchy pics, (yea I was in your corner and I have my own morals so swivel on it) and my ex and I were together so he should have told his mate to stop, but my ex was scum and wouldn't even tell him to stop liking my pics. Nowt I could do hence kept blocking him.

No lass should ever be made to feel 'less than' even if she chooses to hate me. It's disgusting.

Back on track to what I was saying though:

I think some in my street felt comfortable with them choosing abuse towards me because they were under the false impression I'm a down and out faker of disability, junkie with a shiihole of a house, so of course they felt justified in their abuse. They genuinely believe I deserve it. Next door still does and was very vocal about that.

They have said it plenty of times to my face so it's obvious that's their excuse. OBVIOUS.

Now that I'm actually making progress with EVERYTHING that's ACTUALLY visible to the street, cause I'm no longer being sabotaged by my own narc ex, what they THOUGHT and how they justified their ABUSE is becoming unravelled, because it was FAKE NARRATIVES to begin with and now that's somehow MY fault.

As my existence, actions and hard work is proving otherwise, it's opened up some toxicity near me and I don't have to tolerate it.

They can't accept their behaviour was in the wrong AND AROUND CHILDREN, and comforted themselves by using this aggressive and dehumanising false narrative. 

Now that people can CLEARLY see that's NOT who I am they are NOT happy that who I ACTUALLY am is NOT in alignment with who they CHOSE TO SAY I AM to get away with their abuse and unkindness.

Not my problem, not my fault.

My existence itself is proving I'm NOT anything they've ever claimed and now I'm making improvements and I'm prescribed MEDICAL Cannabis they're STILL FIXATED on the idea they can slag me off and say I'm a faking junkie who lives in squalor and threaten to harm me and my dog and get dog wardens on to my dog and get me evicted.

Nice people don't BULLY THE DISABLED or AUTISTIC and then try and get away with it by claiming they're RETARDED.

✨Honey if you think someone is 'retarded' then why TF you targeting them to say all that horrendous BS to them?✨

✨If you think someone is mentally unwell why tf would you go out of YOUR way to attack them and bully them then? Surely that would only show that YOU'RE 'tapped in the head', not them. (Logic won't be accepted though only nasty things about ME are allowed to be broadcasted in the street.)✨

The hypocrisy is obvious. 💯

I'm still recovering from my ex and can do without having to now recover and heal and deal with another traumatic BS of an incident I never asked for, nor deserved.

It takes me a while to get over shitty behaviour so forgive me for not wanting to be around shitty behaviour.

🎯 The haters do have a pattern in common and they do repeat the same BS to justify their hate and abuse.

No abuse is justified.💯

Someone peeves you off? You move along, you don't use that as an excuse to threaten them and lie and say they threatened you simply because you screamed to your gang of hate supporters"SHE IS THREATENING ME" when someone responds to your abuse with "I COULD be a problem, I choose NOT to be" that's a LITERAL statement not a threat, so you hate on them and say despicable things about every aspect of their life AS LOUD AS YOU CAN IN THE STREET so you can GANG UP ON THEM IN NUMBERS and feel BIGGER AND STRONGER because you have ADDITIONAL IDIOTS AND HATERS on your side joining in.

Good for you, keep them. Don't want it, don't care, still got shit I need to get done.

I need no one BUT me to defend me, as I was packing everything up and coming inside OUT of your way. Like I said at the time it's control, you converted your driveway into a garden and tried to take over my driveway, I didn't abuse you over it I asked you to stop and after many years of fighting your ego and kindly asking you to stop blocking and using my driveway , my dad asked and eventually you stopped. 

I wasn't being unreasonable, your blocking my drive was impacting my life in a negative way and why tf should I have to be forced to be inconvenienced simply cause you think my drive is yours?

Another thing you don't like huh? Deal with it.

The truth is rarely liked. I'm used to that.

I won't apologise for NOT being what they said I am and I'm NOT the common denominator (victim blaming and shaming to justify their own ableism and abuse) because they've fought amongst themselves HUNDREDS OF TIMES and they forget I've HEARD EVERYTHING and kept to myself during it.

You can't use logic or facts to reason with people adamant on being unreasonable and I said EXACTLY that to your face as I accepted we couldn't appease you hence me and my friend were moving indoors away from you.

My friend knows me and knows who I am so the false narrative your grandchildren's mother peddled about protecting her from hearing what despicable things my neighbour was saying is BS. The whole TOWN could have heard with her volume levels, coming inside wouldn't have changed that and tbh none of what she spouted was true anyway and was just typical bullying and negative BS to which I responded "none of which has ANYTHING to do with you." But did I say it in a screamy tone? OMG must suddenly be a threat now then. 😫💀

Three incidents with me, all caused by others bringing drama TO ME and MY lane, does not make me a common denominator (which was used to justify them screaming and being abusive me) when it's been HUNDREDS of incidents with them MILLIONS OF TIMES!

They acted like I'd murdered their dog and it will never make sense to me. Ever.

Even the neighbour being abusive, has upset her friend and other neighbour because of her territory theft and control. There's no need.

OUR DRIVES, GARDENS AND HOUSES ARE OURS, NOT YOURS, DEAL WITH IT.

KNOW WHERE YOUR TYRANNY ENDS.

Now I also have boundaries and won't run up people's arses or appease them and their ego because I'm focused on improving my careers and academics and town and house and life as a whole, they don't like it.

So yes I'm very angry and frustrated and sick of people being shitty. But I'm not allowed to be a human and be upset by it, I'm also not allowed to just take it and be silent as I'm still labelled the problem so WTF do they want from me?! Lol.

What I want is to be left to cry and struggle and work hard on ALL my goals and get my house nice. Nothing whatsoever to do with anyone BUT me.

Before when they'd be abusive and I would take it and be hurt and upset, I would apologise afterwards even though they didn't once apologise, not now. Never again.

Now I just phone the police and they can deal with it I'm too busy to be forced to have to face things I don't want and that have nothing whatsoever to do with me no matter how much they will claim it does.

When people show me who they are I believe them and avoid them and only work with and want to know the decent people who have compassion and actually want to help others.

No decent human being would use a fake narrative as an excuse to be abusive.

Just a vent and a processing of everything because I'm absolutely mortified and fed up at how some people choose to behave.

I'm only responsible for me and my behaviour and I never threaten anyone, I never seek to harm people but I will defend myself and when they threaten to harm my person I'll let them, I said bring it on, I'm disabled and don't have much of a chance but I'll take it if harming me will get them to shut TF up and leave me alone.

Get it out of your system and move on.

I'll heal. I have dealt with worse. Way worse bodily harm than they can inflict and it would be a small price to have an easier life with them out of the way.

Do it.

But they didn't and instead manipulated the conversation, lied, twisted things and acted like none of what they did was bad.

In psychology we call that denial and projection.

In school we call it bullying.

Whatever it's labelled it is not the correct way to behave and I'll take as much time as I need to process it and get over it, they have not yet realised I don't need their consent to exist.

But they'll learn that eventually I am not their puppet, and I will stay in MY lane and by this time next year my home and life will have made a substantial amount of progress as I'm reducing my academics to actually focus on my home.

Yes the home you think is yours to the point you can abuse me over the choices I choose to make to it that don't even impact you.

A few days later I saw my fence post I'd taken down and all they needed to do was wedge it between the fences and it just made me laugh so hard at the ridiculousness and surrealness of it all.

I took ALL that abuse over a post being moved from my fence when all they needed to do was wedge it in. Lmao.

And like I said to her relative, if my washing line was attached or nailed to HER fence she would not have even bothered to ask me if I wanted the fence post and would have simply damaged the washing line and that would be that.

Lol.

Anyways, I'm hurt still and frustrated and angry and confused at the ridiculousness of everything but I'm healing and will heal and will move forward with my head held high knowing that lies and sadistic tendencies that others have, have nothing to do with me and from now on because I'm fed up of people trying to be abusive after the incident and trying and failing I may add, to discredit me, I'm getting CCTV and I am NOT bluffing when I say next time someone chooses abuse I'll not defend myself with words, I'll not try and de-escalate it and I'll share the CCTV because that's the only thing that they can't discredit or try to discredit.

You can't argue or manipulate evidence.

Thanks for the lessons, I have taken it all on board and will continue to work on not giving nasty people any reaction, and if anything this has been a godsend in the end as its pushed me to have my own back and get CCTV kits. Yes more than one. They can't be sabotaged now neither.

All I can do really.

No one deserves such BS and I do have gangs and groups and people who would get involved but I prefer to leave nasty people to sabotage themselves whilst I focus on continuing to make a nice little life for my weird little self.

They hate that I use big words, well I hate that you lie but can't change that now can I?

It's all been hard to process as I finally let my guard down thinking I was safe from abuse after my narc ex to be faced with abuse from someone I'm not even dating ahaha.

You can't make it up but I'm allowed to be upset and I'm allowed to be hurt and I'm allowed to do what I like to MY property and I'm allowed to cope with the after maths of the hurt in my own weird little ways.

Stop focusing on whether people you choose to attack are crazy or retarded or not; and start focusing on why you choose to be that abusive towards people instead.

This was a long one but I'm sick of rock bottom now and I'm really ready to climb into my progress era.

I'm a good person not a nice one and when provoked I can have claws although I don't threaten I just point out the ridiculousness of everything and get mad that people are so stupid they believe their own bs.

Sometimes we have to be stubborn and mean and uphold our boundaries even when everyone is believing the wrong information, and even when people keep using false bs to bring hate to you.

I'm ending this on an important statement:

My life and choices have nothing whatsoever to do with you, especially when they never impact you.

Let's hope that statement sinks in finally.

Sarah

Author/Disability Advocate +

@KawaiiDollDecora ♡

www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡