Apparently I deserve to be evicted now:

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Update: 





I already know I'm not popular.


I heard the nasty shii spewed at me today.


I'm legitimately hated to the point that harming me is justified in their eyes at this point.


I'm not okay.


I'm alone and keep taking hits I don't need, want or deserve.


I'm autistic and wired differently so I feel like I'm an alien most days, like there's this invisible wall people have and no matter what I do to prove to them what they think of me is not the case I can't penetrate that wall.


So I keep taking hits and I'm going to have to keep taking hits .. just wish I could be less reactive to said hits, even though when I did take them and not react in the past, nothing changed.


I will fight to the death to stay at my home and the only thing I'm sorry for today was considering someone else when working on my garden.


Caring about others needs will get you shat on, hated, blamed, attacked and ganged up on and they'll cheer and say you deserve it all.


They'll recruit and bring more... but I'm exhausted.


I'm alone.


I'm pretty sure a petition to get me evicted over wanting a fence post to be taken down nicely so they can use it themselves is not justified.


I'm not a bad person at all, and I'm not a bad neighbour.


I'm loud sometimes, weird, dorky, quirky and I'm reactive to antagonists and abuse because I have an actual heart with feelings that they hurt badly with their actions and words.


But when I AM the problem I fix me.


If they still want to try and get me evicted so be it but I will never be okay with conflict, screaming, negativity or abuse and I have a right to walk away when de-escalation doesn't work, and I fuck up when they push and push and say shit after being hurt but its nothing near what they say to me and most of it is still just trying to get them to understand and listen, and gets twisted and distorted, I feel like I'm drowning and they're pushing me under and the more I try to save myself doesn't matter.


I can't make people listen and I can't make people care but I'm not this monster everyone keeps making out I am to justify bad behaviour and abuse towards me.


I have a heart and it gets broken.


I'm sensitive so if I know there's going to be conflict I WON'T be there.


All I can do is keep taking the hits and hope some day someone will see me and see the reality of things and be on my side for once.


Even if it's to put a band aid on my heart after all the agro.


I will never consider people around me ever again when working on my home and goals, because no matter how kind and thoughtful you are it gets twisted into something distorted and something that justifies you being abused in some way...


...more lessons... Just wish they didn't hurt so much.





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