Life is a rollercoaster...
...and I want to get off.
If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck, the decluttering was difficult and hard and I had deadlines and a lot of medical appointments so I didn't get the study time I require and have been granted a small extension.
I also knocked my freezer during decluttering so any food I had managed to store has gotten completely defrosted and went bad.
The housing association didn't photograph or sort the collection so the rubbish is still in my drive.
My flare ups have been way worse and I've not even heard from the local college, a friend told me they rang and the level three policing course I need towards my degree isn't going ahead in September, and yet no one has bothered to notify me. The Facebook group for the college had 103 individuals, I was removed and it changed to 102, yet many were removed. Thanks for the RSD on that one.
I may not be everyone's cuppa tea but I'm no antagonist, I'm not disrespectful and I don't start fights, so I'm worthy of RESPECT as a human. Thanks.
The DCC gentleman hasn't received any references yet and I still have a lot of studies to do but sorted the paperwork they needed out, and one of the referees are on it like a car bonnet. Yay.
Had pics taken for my passport and driving licence I just need to find what I need from my dining room now before I can apply.
My whole body has been going into really bad flare ups and has made everything way more difficult.
The wage theft situation with my safety net has left me without a lot of things and I've just ran out of my oil for my pain management and can't afford to replace it until the 15th.
Last night I was reminded that when my son had cancer no one in my family bothered to show me any support, when he was in my parents because I had to protect him from a corrupt forced adoption by the system done with a police lady that acted illegally, which only reminded me of how my WHOLE family made me feel like I was worthless and I didn't matter.
They visited my parents and son and sent flowers and cards and I however, the MOTHER of my son, got nothing, yet they think they're superior at times and can condone bullying towards a child (as grown adults) growing up, and blamed me for everything.
My family proved to me they don't see me as family and that's WHY I stayed far away, even my cousin Jess got married and invited EVERYONE on one invitation including my son and MISSED me off then was horrible to me about pointing it out and uninvited me lmao. I wasn't invited to be invited duh!
Yet they wonder why I got depressed after my disability and hid away in my room waiting for death due to the pain I've been in since 2009.
I have not done anything worthy of all of that at all, I've always been upbeat, happy go lucky and dorky and not anything malicious, so last night it was hard to remember everything and why I feel so alone sometimes and abandoned.
I'm still recovering from a narcissist and their actions and reactive abuse is not being crazy or being the problem it's having someone deliberately trigger you and your nervous system so your body feels unsafe to the point you can actually RELIVE trauma whilst they antagonise you and then when they've psychologically ABUSED you and you've reacted SCREAMING then they can SMIRK and LIE ABOUT you and pretend YOU WERE the problem.. ..not them leaving blades everywhere trying to get you to self harm again, not them belittling you every single day, COERCIVELY CONTROLLING you, being physically and emotionally, mentally and sexually abusive and spreading so much HATE about you that even STRANGERS YOU DON'T KNOW hate you to the point THEY'LL ALSO ANTAGONISE and bully you...
...if you THINK a NARC can change then Good Luck but if you stay with them then the abuse WILL ONLY GET WORSE ...and as soon as they realise you've had enough they WILL seek out NEW SUPPLY, and never really get themselves on their feet because WHY should they when there are hundreds of women with their own places they can MANIPULATE and lie to and be INVITED to stay with....
I used to be a part of the idiot club where people showed me who they were and I HOPED badly they weren't really like that...
...I'm now a part of the club where IF people choose to show you who they REALLY are then YOU NOW believe them, one hundred percent!
Save yourself. Leave a narc.
And on top of ALL of the above Facebook keeps sabotaging my monetisation and keeps locking me out.
It's been doing it daily since the 18th August and it is showing no signs of stopping making the platform COMPLETELY UNUSABLE, despite that being the one place I had to socialise when I was housebound/bedbound a decade.
I try and save but being disabled it's so expensive to try and survive and without my safety net now due to illegally not paying me and me still have about $200 built up ready for withdrawal (which won't reach my bank account) I'm trying hard to find an alternative to that to try and find some income.
No one is interested in purchasing jewellery anymore and my stock catalogue is slowing.
I've still not heard from any mental health professionals and I no longer trust ANY social workers, period.
After I've completed all these studies I'm going to take some time and work on my house, because this is the one thing I want nice.
I just used credit cards and catalogues to get curtains and towels and some garden things and I am going to do my best to make the best of what I HAVE got.
I now let people be wrong and vent and rant and lecture me and just nod because I don't have the energy to be bothered by their negativity anymore nor the energy to explain how they are wrong.
I also have been walking away from people who are abusive, malicious and think profanity and nastiness is superior.
This is progress to me.
It's still progress.
I have two cinema tickets to look forward to from my dad so I think I'll take myself out on a cinema date twice this September. I have my free bus pass and with the tickets it's a free date and all I would need is some cheap snacks.
I need to do more for ME.
I need to demand better quality from people around me, and I need to believe people when they show me what they're capable of.
Sarah
@KawaiiDollDecora ♡
www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡
