Huge regret:

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I started an understanding autism course and pre-agreed flexibility prior to doing the course due to my dynamic disabilities.

It's not a choice to be disabled and I'm as helpless and choice less when it comes to managing it as best as I can, I can't always work around it and the worst that happens is that I need rest, and to prolong anything I'm working on.

I never take on anything that deadlines would be fixed and inflexible and it's never the end of the world if someone needs to extend a deadline, and yet...

I emailed Lincoln College asking for another two weeks so I can study properly and in depth and sent 18 pages of hard work I've done so far.

I don't so things half-assed and never will.

The new lady that replied as my main one is on leave, said no. She can give me 2 extra days.

Ableism : a perfect example.

So I simply replied that I'm not happy with that, that's not what was pre-agreed and I am the one without a choice in the matter so whatever they decide they decide.

I hate being set up to fail when I'm capable and merely need more time.

Maybe this Understanding Autism course should be mandatory for ALL staff since they don't practice what they preach and don't wish to be inclusive.

The world could be different but people CHOOSE to make it this way, choose to make it harder, choose to set intelligent people with disabilities up to fail and there's no empathy, compassion or remorse.

I wish I didn't have to exist and deal with the way the world is but maybe I exist to change it and advocate for change so that's all I CAN do.

Other people's lack of understanding and accountability and inflexibility is not something I asked for and forgive me for not tolerating it and wanting the world to be better for ALL.

I cried myself to sleep last night after dealing with that email as I mistook another email prior that booked something in for the 5th July as an extension, that wasn't the college but an independent visitor appointment as I passed the CRB / DBS check and they're wanting to speak to me about how I go about supporting children in the care system through Durham County Council.

I didn't mean to confuse the two but I've rectified my mistake and all I ever do is see how I can make a positive difference and help people locally.

If I knew I would be sabotaged with this course I'd never have pre-agreed because unlike others I understand my disability and what is needed to work around it and I sacrifice so much and do my best.

When did people and systems start and prefer ego and control over inclusion, intellect and support?

Sarah Wingfield 

@KawaiiDollDecora ♡
www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡





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