Watching Kindness Disappear:
Watching Kindness Disappear:
People have been acting a bit wild lately. There’s a noticeable increase in hostile group behaviour, and while it often gets personalised, the truth is that most of the time it isn’t about the individual being targeted at all.
We’re living in a time where people are tired, overwhelmed, and stretched thin. Life is hard. Systems are failing. Support is inconsistent. Many people are operating in survival mode. And when that happens, patience and empathy are often the first things to disappear.
Sometimes it’s something as small as forgetting to say “please.” Sometimes it’s a message written bluntly because someone is exhausted, neurodivergent, anxious, or simply having a bad day. Instead of curiosity or compassion, what follows is a pile-on. A jump. A snap judgment. A sudden assumption of intent that was never there to begin with.
What I see, again and again, is people waiting for a mistake. Waiting for a slip, a poorly worded sentence, a moment of vulnerability — because it gives them permission. Permission to unload their frustration. Permission to justify their own behaviour. Permission to tell themselves a story where they’re righteous and someone else deserves the hostility they’re about to receive.
And that’s the part that worries me the most.
Because kindness isn’t supposed to be conditional on perfection.
Empathy isn’t something you earn by getting everything right.
For disabled people, neurodivergent people, traumatised people, and those already marginalised, this kind of environment is especially harmful. Many of us communicate differently. Many of us process social expectations differently. Many of us are already hyper-aware of how we’re perceived and constantly editing ourselves just to avoid conflict.
Hostile group behaviour doesn’t just hurt feelings — it silences voices. It pushes people out of spaces that are supposed to be supportive. It reinforces the idea that you’re only welcome if you perform acceptably, politely, and endlessly calmly, no matter what you’re dealing with behind the scenes.
As an Independent Disability Advocate, I see this pattern far too often. In community spaces. In support groups. In places that claim to be inclusive, yet react harshly the moment someone doesn’t conform to unspoken social rules.
We can do better than this.
We can pause before we assume intent.
We can choose curiosity over condemnation.
We can remember that struggling people don’t always sound “nice.”
And we can hold boundaries without cruelty.
It is possible to disagree without dehumanising.
It is possible to moderate without humiliating.
It is possible to support a community without turning it into a battleground.
Most importantly, it is not okay to be unkind — especially under the guise of being “honest,” “direct,” or “just saying it how it is.”
Kindness doesn’t mean weakness.
Empathy doesn’t mean silence.
And accountability does not require hostility.
If we want safer, more inclusive spaces — particularly for disabled and marginalised people — we have to stop normalising pile-ons and start questioning why unkindness has become so easily excused.
Because how we treat people when they’re struggling says far more about us than it ever will about them.
Sarah Wingfield ❤️
Independent Disability Advocate
#disabilityinclusion #strongertogether #disability #disabilityawareness #disabilitysupport #disabilityrights
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