When Support Becomes Separation: Why Families Need Help Before Harm:

When Support Becomes Separation: Why Families Need Help Before Harm:

Every time I read another story about a mother having her newborn removed, it breaks my heart.

I am not naïve about safeguarding. I know there are situations where children genuinely need protection, and when a child is at immediate risk, intervention is necessary.

But safeguarding should not mean automatically jumping to separation when support, assessment, rehabilitation and practical help could make a family safe.

I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of systems that can be frightening, dismissive and deeply harmful when they get things wrong.

I fought for my rights. I challenged decisions. I kept going. I did what I had to do.

Reading about women who have not been so lucky absolutely destroys me.

What especially troubles me is seeing somebody’s past used as though it permanently defines their future.

A woman may have experienced trauma, addiction, mental ill-health, abuse, homelessness, exploitation, previous involvement with social services or an unstable period in her life. Those things can absolutely be relevant to safeguarding.

But relevant is not the same as destiny.

If somebody is capable now, engaging now, making changes now and willing to parent safely now, then surely the question should be:

What support can we put in place to give this family the best possible chance?

Not simply:

What happened to this woman years ago?

I recently read about a mother being kept apart from her newborn for eight weeks and potentially longer, with her history being used as part of the justification.

That kind of situation leaves me asking so many questions.

Where was the intensive support before the baby arrived?

Where was the practical parenting help?

Where was the trauma-informed care?

Where were the opportunities to demonstrate progress?

Where were the realistic alternatives to separation?

Where appropriate and safe, families should be supported long before birth. Intervention should not begin only when somebody is already at their most vulnerable and terrified of losing their child.

And this conversation sits alongside another one we desperately need to have: how women are treated during pregnancy and birth.

Women are still being dismissed, disbelieved, shouted at, traumatised and left feeling powerless during some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives.

I know that personally.

During childbirth I was screamed at directly in my face and denied Entonox while I was dealing with a legitimate dislocated pelvis and repeatedly fainting from the pain.

I also experienced physical symptoms and conditions not being properly investigated, while psychiatric explanations were pushed instead.

Then my son developed cancer.

Instead of feeling wrapped in support while my family was living through something utterly devastating, I experienced systems that left me feeling watched, judged and targeted.

I have lived through situations that could have completely destroyed somebody’s will to keep going.

Yet I am still here.

I am still helping people.

I am still advocating.

I am still creating.

I am still building things.

I am still trying to make sure that other people do not have to suffer in the ways that I did.

And that has to stand for something.

People can recover.

People can learn.

People can become safer.

People can heal.

People can rebuild their lives.

Circumstances can change.

A difficult past should never automatically erase somebody’s future.

Removing a newborn from their parent is one of the most profound interventions the state can make in a family’s life. Sometimes it may be necessary. But because of how serious it is, every realistic and safe alternative should be explored first.

This is not about abandoning safeguarding.

It is about demanding better safeguarding.

Safeguarding that protects children while recognising change.

Safeguarding that understands trauma.

Safeguarding that offers support before crisis.

Safeguarding that treats families as human beings rather than case files.

Safeguarding that works towards keeping children safely with their families wherever that can genuinely be achieved.

Hopefully I am not the only person who reads these stories and feels devastated.

Hopefully other people want this to change too.

Because protecting children and supporting mothers should never automatically be treated as opposing goals.

Sometimes the strongest form of protection is giving a struggling family the help they needed in the first place.

Sarah Wingfield

Actress • Author • Advocate

KawaiiDollDecora.uk

#SocialServices #ChildrensServices #Safeguarding #FamilySupport #FamilyPreservation #ChildProtection #MothersMatter #MaternityCare #BirthTrauma #TraumaInformedCare #WomensHealth #MaternalHealth #HumanRights #Advocacy #SystemicChange #SupportNotSeparation #KeepingFamiliesTogether

Alt text: Colourful square graphic with a blurred sparkling background in pink, purple, teal and gold. At the top is Sarah Wingfield branding with the words “Actress | Author | Advocate” and “KawaiiDollDecora.uk”. In the centre is a screenshot of a post by Sarah Wingfield saying that it is heartbreaking when babies are removed from mothers without support being offered first, that support should be available before birth, and that somebody’s past should not automatically be weaponised against them if they are capable of parenting safely now. The post ends with a broken-heart emoji.