Low moods, pain and gratitude:

Well here I am and practicing gratitude today!

Low moods have been triggered by cold weather and bad pain so I'm going into overdrive with sharing and appreciating everything I've achieved recently.

Basically kicking my own butt with good vibes, so here goes.

I'm grateful for my family, friends and son. First and foremost, people that know us know he survived leukaemia and he's a thriving and healthy young man! The best creation I've ever created!

My friends who cheer me up and we have fun together, being daft and free and reminiscing about the past.

I'm grateful for my progress with charity and community work and working with children in the care system which is my next step and I'm excited for it.

I'm grateful for the Motability scheme and the fact I've been able to get a car lease and I'm going to be so more independent and in so much less pain now I won't be waiting for buses and dealing with painful, agonising, seizing ups!

I'm grateful for the two movies I'm appearing in and for the fact I'm able to be a producer of several movies too. IMDb goals! It's going to be weird seeing me on screen but I've worked hard towards everything and I'm excited for new adventures!

I'm grateful for my pets, my beautiful dark axolotl Ponyo and my fur baby and best fur friend, Bud. They make me smile and keep me company and they don't complain when I overshare or give them earache on karaoke!

I'm grateful for baths, weird one I know but they help manage my pain and relax me and are a coping method I very much need!

I'm grateful I'm able to go see Venom today and for my pain management, vape and oil, because it's cold today and I'm very stiff and have to use buses so without it I'd be crying and struggling, so I'm exceptionally grateful for cannabis and how it helps me mobilise and survive on bad pain days. 

I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to be an author as I'm still working on books, an artist, I can freely express myself and create weird, wonderful and quirky things and for the hard work I'm putting in to trying to start a business, it's going to take time as with disabilities these things always do but the works still being put in and I'm excited for when I get the car so I can do stalls and make better business progress. 

I am speaking about a bursary I was awarded for my start up soon and we have a three course meal at a fancy hall to look forward to so that's going to be a pleasure speaking up about how important that bursary is and how much it's already helped me with my start up. I was able to get the tools I required for my art business in the form of a drawing tablet and I will forever be grateful for that.

And lastly, I'm grateful for me, for keeping going even when my depression was at its worst, for keeping fighting and believing in myself even when everyone and everything seemed to be against me and I felt like I had no place in the world, I'm grateful for the self awareness and acknowledgement I have and all the meditation and hard work I've put in to face my demons head on and come through the other side stronger.

I'm still here, and my life has so many wonderful things lined up for me that I'm proud I made it through the toughest of days and I hope to continue to get through the dark days coming my way in future. I now focus on the things I can change and refuse to let things I can't upset me as much, I understand my autism more so I'm not as reactive and having meltdowns like I did and I've upped my boundaries and no longer even entertain anyone adamant on being negative, unprofessional, malicious, antagonistic or problematic.

It's not my job to educate them or try and get them to see the error of their ways nor is it my job to have to entertain such behaviour because if I didn't I would be character assassinated, nowadays they can assassinate away, I know what I did and did not do and at the end of the day I can hold my head high and sleep well at night knowing my words hold weight, I mean what I say and I focus on uplifting and supporting others, saying things as they are and actioning positive change.

If people don't like how things are they're more than welcome to work with me to change them otherwise I'm not interested in nastiness or negatives because negatives solve nothing, change nothing and are completely unnecessary.

What I've experienced, I blog and I share in the hopes that others fix themselves and do better, if I'm also hated for being a messenger because it seems more popular to hate the person sharing the bad things they experienced; than hate the people that HAD them experience the bad things in the first place, then so be it.

I'll be the villain and I'll wear the horns because we all know that I'm not responsible for the bad behaviour of others no matter how some people wish I was, they can be angry that I've documented what happened but if they want to actually change things they need to accept and acknowledge whose actually to blame and address it with them.

I don't tolerate any abuse and I will talk about situations I'm put in because I feel it's our duty to safeguard others from being mistreated in the same ways and in my experience behaviour has a pattern and I'm often not an isolated incident.

I'm only responsible for me.

I'm grateful for the fact I'm able to say NO to abuse and disrespect and walk away these days, because no matter what you do or say you'll be 'in the wrong' and 'deserving of the bad actions' and you simply can't get people to care or be kind if they don't want to.

I also disagree with said people because no one is worthy of any mistreatment or disrespect. 

I'm grateful for all the bad thats happened because it has taught me a lot and I've evolved from it. I handle things better now and I advocate better now and I regret nothing.

Thank you for reading and for your support, and feel free to share what you're grateful for today!

Sarah x

@KawaiiDollDecora ♡

www.magnoliaphotography.co.uk ♡

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